And Your Time Starts Now...

mood: sleepyyyyyyyy
music: peterpan.....(didn't you see that coming?*lol*)

hi...

yes i know...it's been a while. i just felt that i had nothing to blog about...and i didn't want to subject you to the oh so mundane things that happened in my life.

*sigh*.....so much to do so little time...by now you should know what i'm busy with. things at work are finally falling in place; my programmes should be running smoothly come first week of march. adventure accounts are also due to follow-up...and no thanks to the eunach...i'm proud to say i did it all by meself. *hrrmph*

had a total blast with the gang on movies night...from the getting ready to the being there and the supper after. i love the gang...



Fantastic Six...we are missing one terribly...



from left: bananaz, chups, viva and coffeebean. yeah we took hours to get ready. but we're girls. so shuddup already. : )



from left: shawn, chups, viva and weeping...very nice pic...i dunno why lah? can anyone pin point it?

things on the home front aren't looking so rosy either...yes...mother has finally totally warmed up the the fact that it's happening, with or without her, so either she jumps on the bandwagon or fall off...alamak...i tell you she's jumped on it with full vigor she's driving me absolutely i n s a n e.

i mean...now she's the one rushing. this and that. here and there. and i for one do not like people rushing me...she rush i rush...dammnit...we could have done that ages ago but no...who chose to sulk and mope? and now who...?*sigh*...never mind.

all these pressure and stress...i'm beng stretched very thin. i seriously do not need additional crap from bozos...so i do apologize if i have offended you in anyway...i'm sorry..TRULY! now see you what a horrible person i really am...

but it's ok...i'll behave in the manner that is expected of me and i will hold it together. until that day when it will all fall apart...

insya Allah by then awak will piece me together again...

No!....Really?

mood: stupified
music: jauh mimpiku - peterpan ("ku harus lepaskan mu / i have to let you go")

it feels so good to let go.

sometimes you have to look at your life and really think about that matters to you most. what are the big things? what are the little ones?

for me, since it happened, i started looking at things in a new angle. sure...the insanities are there, the worldly urgency is always pushing me...but now, at the back of my mind i know.

i know that you can treat me however fashion you want. go ahead. just say what you wanna say to me, be it to mock me, ridicule me or even to humour me. treat me as you wish too, pretend i'm important, pretend you really wanna know what i think, pretend my opinion matters.

i've got good news for you. i am not judged by you. there is A HIGHER BEING who Judges All. and i will only answer to Him.

i hope, for your sake, when He Asks, you can answer.

enjoy...stupidest quote of the month:

"we grow older by the year." - e****h

really?...no shit.

more pics of peterpan

i know...i know...i have to stop this insanity soon....

but in the meantime....ENJOY!


loekman - di atas normal


indra - di atas normal


ariel has a white guitar


nope...it's actually black.

look at that smile...who wouldn't melt?


damn his coat looks good.

Fool

mood: that startling clarity and peace that you feel just seconds before you jump off a cliff
music: peterpan's been on my replay mode for the past two weeks...whaddaya expect?

yes...i know. i have been uber lazy in updating this blog. but it's just because i like going to my blog and seeing the boys smile. call me delusion. so what else is new?

anyway....things have pretty much settled from the insane december i had. with the aceh trip, the peterpan concert, the sin ming interviews and all the crazy times with awak settling home issues...i needed some time to recoup and take stock of year 2006.

i wish for time. so true that He said we are all in loss "except such as have Faith and do righteous deeds and (join together) in the mutual Teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy."

i wasted so much time in 2005. hindsight is 20-20 after all. i never noticed the stupidity of my actions until now. so many other things i could have done, would have achieved...all gone down the drain thanks to my own shortcomings.

well...beverly knight sang "shoulda woulda coulda were the last words of a fool"....so this year i plan to not be a fool. this gives you (yes you...the one reading this right now) the permission to call me a fool should you see me doing something err...fool-ish.

dear God, perhaps all this time i have been praying for the wrong things. this time, i won't pray for a lighter load. i pray for a stronger back.

PETERPAN 1 JAN 2006 STADIUM MERDEKA KUALA LUMPUR

mood: surreal
music: my own blend of peterpan

i cannot believe it. i went to KL and was within 5 metres of peterpan!


from left: reza, andika, loekman, uki, ariel, indra

nothing i can say will adequately describe the feeling i brought home with me. my first time in a concert in malaysia...what an experience!

it was worth it. the seven hour train ride. the roundabout route we took to find royale bintang. the waiting in the rain for like 2 hours. the shouting and singing-along. the walk back and who could forget the very eventful morning after.

*blank*.

yes i am actually stupified. speechless. tergamam aku dibuatnya.



before he took off his jacket


after he took off his jacket


still jacket-less


reza (left background), loekman (front) and andika (right background)

andika, why won't you come up front???

i love peterpan. their concert was amazing. they are amazing. the atmosphere was amazing. the crowd was amazing. the weather was not so amazing, but well worth it. they say hujan bawak rahmat, and for that i thank Him for giving me the experience.

*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

ahh~~ now we've gotten that out of the way, i can tell you more about the concert. but the highlight of the concert was not the concert itself. it was more of what happened the morning after.

i can't really put it in writing just suffice to say that if you ever get the opportunity to attend their concert, please do. yeah yeah i know a concert is a concert is a concert, but it's the artist that makes it special for you and for me it was peterpan.

the next morning after subh nyonyah and i went out in the search of shops to get our stuff. in the hopes of at least getting a dry pair of pants for the trip home...yeah right. alas all the shops were closed still, it was after all just past seven.

so we walked and walked a little around petaling street and nyonyah spied "hotel instana" looming in the skyline.

nyonyah: "eh, isn't that where they are staying?"me: "yeah...haha..."

not quite sure whose bright idea it was to ambush peterpan at their concert. i mean, seriously what were we thinking?

so we went to hotel istana. and already spotted the peterpan car and the peterpan van. hoping to meet them when they came down to breakfast, we realized with stupidity that neither one of us has a pen or paper or marker or anything for the boys to sign on! so i made the mad dash to the 7-11 across the street to buy two markers...ya Allah...sanggup seh!

a kind soul noticed us hanging around.

kind soul: "waiting for peterpan?"
me (trying to sound nonchalant): "oh yeah...if we're lucky. but we can't stay long."
kind soul: "why don't you go up to the 14th floor? they're all housed there."

i was like wtf...are you freaking serious? with my heart beating so fast but walking back to where nyonyah was sitting and i told her. we thought we'd just give it a shot to go up to the 14th floor and if we got stopped by their security, oh well what else is new, right?

so we went up. and the floor was deserted. no mean-looking bouncers were lurking in the corridors, wanting to toss me out the building for trespassing onto the 14th floor. so we walked around and were trying to figure out which rooms the boys were in. i mean, all six of them can't be in the same room, right? walked some more and i decided to walk into the storeroom where the housekeeping staff kept their equipment. already so jittery from excitement and anticipation, i was shocked out of my socks when a voice boomed "WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?"

it was one of the chambermaster. sitting on the floor, resting behind his cart. i squatted next to him and asked, "abang, peterpan bilik maner?" (brother, which rooms are peterpan in?)

guess what he did? he pulled out a printout from his pocket. it was the boys' room list!!!!

it's just getting better and better...so armed with the list, we went a-knocking on their doors.

yes...i can HEAR you groaning and cursing me. yes it was terribly rude of me to knock on peterpan's door at 8.30am the night after their concert. and i'm sorry but what would you have done!?

truth be told, i could only tell ariel, andika and loekman apart. i'm not sure who the rest of the boys are, so the first door was open by a rather sleepie eyed head scratching peterpan.

i HAD to ask, "nie bilik peterpan eh?" (is this peterpan's room?) and he grunted in reply.

but he was game and gave us a nice autograph...we thanked him for his willingness and apologized for disturbing his sleep.

as the door closed, i turned to nyonyah and we gave each other a muted scream. you know the one girls give when they're flustered and excited about seeing a famous cute star in his boxers? yeah that one!

i quickly turned around and "eh siapa seh yang tu?" (which one was that one?) yes...we had no idea who that was. can you imagine????

it was uki.

imagine this face sleepie eyed....so cute right?

the next room was andika's. even cuter in real life and i got real close to him coz he was sooooo far away on stage behind the keyboard.

this one is the cute one!

the same routine and i asked him "so kapan kalian ker singapur?" (when are you guys coming to singapore?)

and he said "april, mungkin." (april, maybe).

my darling, that's good enough for me!

so me and nyonyah went round knocking on the others' doors. alas indra and loekman were still sleeping, it was their wives who answered the door. i even got a glimpse of loekman's lil girl! so sweet! we congratulated them on a fantastic concert and left them to their sleep.

we did try ariel's room, but no one answered. and reza...well, bro, sorry to have disturbed you wifey. please say a big sorry to the missus for waking you peeps up.

so nyonyah and i took a slow stroll out of the hotel and so nonchalantly got into a cab at 9.15am (hello are we forgettign that our bus leaves at 9.30 at pudu???) and in the cab gave the most girliest squeal we would ever give and shocked the taxi driver.

a 2 minutes ride back to royale bintang and a mad dash to our rooms to pack our barang barang and in 3 minutes we were back dowstairs in a cab waiting to take us to pudu. 2 minutes later (thank God there wasn't a jam) we were on the eltabina bus en route home.

so that's my peterpan experience. insane? yes. memorable? definitely. out of this world.

i'm still star-strucked. how about you?

On The Run

hey peeps...

my schedule in december:

10th - 13th : segamat - cherating (malaysia)
20th - 27th : banda aceh - samalanga - lokhsamauwe (indonesia)

yes i've been away...as you can see...and i'm so sorry i forgot to update stuff here. i will be back with a vengence, but not before

peterpan live 1st jan stadium merdeka!

yes...i'm going to see peterpan live in concert!!!!!!!!!

have lots to share, peeps, so please stay tuned...

*sings* tak bisakah kau menungguku....

hatiku bimbang namun tetap pikirkanmu
selalu
selalu dalam hatiku
ku melangkah sejauh apapun itu
selalu
engkau di dalam hatiku

ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu
berharap temukan sisa hatimu
mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu
mengerti kau di dalam hatiku

tak bisakah kau menungguku
hingga nanti tetap menunggu
tak bisakah kau menuntunku
menemani jalan hidupku

dara kau menjadi hidupku
kemana kau tahu isi hatiku
tunggu sejenak aku di situ
jalanku jalan menemukanmu

my heart worries but still i think of you
always
you're always in my heart
even when we're miles apart
always you're in my heart

i walk around spinning time
hoping for remnants of your love
understand that i want you
understand you're in my heart

can't you wait for me
and keep on waiting for me
can't you watch me
and accompany me on my life journey

girl you are my life
you know what's in my heart
just wait a while for me there
my path to meet you

Pull Pull Here and Pull Pull There

extremely emotional entry alert.

you are highly advised to NOT make non constructive comments. and beside...i don't care what you think anyway, so piss off.

i'm tired. i dun wan't to think anymore.

yes...planning a wedding is blardy hard. i know that now. to quote coffeebean, "there will always be a time when you have a disagreement or a misunderstanding...no 2 person has the same head/brain"

but! when i want A and awak wants E...if we want to resolve it, we have to agree to meet at C. and what is C, children? C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. c'mon...say it with me. COMPROMISE.

but ok since no one cares two cahoots about what i want, it's ok then.

i'll just whip out my magic wand and fulfill everybody's wishes, mother's, father's and awak's and maybe spare the leftovers for meself. if there is any.

so go ahead, my loved ones, tear me apart. if that is what it takes to find some freaking peace around here and for someone to make the blinking decisions, i guess my sanity is not very important after all.

i thank God for giving me this time in aceh to reflect on the bigger things in life. i thank Him for showing me my true purpose in life and why i am on His earth. i'll give you a clue: it's certainly not to choose wedding bands, juggle impossible timelines or plan for a one day wedding when the important thing is the marriage of a lifetime.

wayang drama peeps, sorry i am highly irritable and sensitive right now, especially with these matters of the heart and dick's ultra annoying back stabbing ways, so please forgive me.

darul peeps, yes...been really occupied with these stuff to put 100% into the aceh trip, but trust me the work will be done in time. we'll do good work in aceh.

and for you other peeps, if this entry offends you due to the gross language, sorry. i guess.

*sniff*...hucking fell.

where the heck is my time/date option!?

These Are The Dates

mood: yeah whatever
music: have a nice day - bon jovi ("when the world gets in my face i say have a nice day")

the past fourteen days have been a rollercoaster. just as i was recovering from post hari raya fatigue, things started rolling in.

baguana left and work stopped being funny. awak and i had a sudden flash of energy to search for our wedding bands, only to falter in our search. (why the heck do we need wedding bands anyway, we're malays, for fish's sake!).

work then progressed into torture and then planning my aceh trip began. culminated with my special angel's birthday...goodness...i feel like i've felt every possible emotion a human can emotionally have this past two weeks.

but...all's well ends well. bags sent us her lovely pictures and as estee lauder said, every woman looks radiant on her wedding day. sorry we could not be there, but best wishes to you and roger rabbit!

i'm feeling kindda stimulated at work nowadays coz of dick (not the real name, guys...duh~) hahaha...dick is really stimulating. dick is challenging and i consider dick my competitor. dick is good and very smart, enough to know what to do to get what. it's so fun and interesting for me to have a worthy adversary in the office. so we shall see...how i can find creative ways to outdo dick.

awak and my search for our wedding bands was thankfully resolved just last sunday, after two intensive days of thinking, calculating, selecting and of course bickering over the bands. it's times like this that i can see how different awak and i are, in our ideas and our notions. so of course there'll be disagreements along the way. i got so mad i barked at him (who knew i had canine tendencies?) and awak threw his usual moody and cold tantrum...*sigh*...aper lah susah sangat, kan? but in the end we resolved and had a real good time making up...*flutters eyelids shyly*...kan, awak, kan??? *muehahehaheahehehee*

oh yes...talking about that...finally i have some concrete dates of my wedding. mother has eventually thawed and finally (albeit reluctantly) agreed for the nikah to be on 18th May 2006 and the walimah on the 3th September 2006 (insya Allah) ....so peeps, expect to be activated for these dates... : )

darn...the finalizing of the dates also mean i have to sit down and start planning. grr...

11 People On A Rope

11 People On A Rope

eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. the rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided, that one had to leave, because otherwise, they were all going to fall. they weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

she said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little returns.

as soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

Lie and Don't Get Caught

so disappointing.

why did you lie? why did you think that you had to lie? why the need to deceive?

i just don't get it. if you didn't want to join us, say so. if you wanted to go out with other people, well go ahead. nobody's the slave of no one.

it's stupid, lie about something as trivial as jalan raya.

did you seriously think i wouldn't find out?

next time look at me when you're lying to my face ok?

Open Letter

mood: vindicatedmusic: polaris - jimmyeatworld ("i'll say it straight and plain. i know i've made mistakes i've always been afraid.")

but i am not afraid anymore. this is my open letter to you. it warrants no reply; i do not need justifications.

dear ,

my parents raised me good. it is WRONG to put someone else down just so you can feel better about yourself. if you are in a leadership position, use your responsibilities wisely. don't think that the world owes you something just because you are there; rather, you are supposed to give back to the people who entrusted you with the power.

i feel sorry for you. you are so insecured, you feel the need to put others down and embarrasse them so that you can feel good about yourself. i feel sorry that you live in a deluded world where your only concern is what you think is right, even if evidence proves otherwise. most bossess i know make it a habit to be consultative leaders, and see their function as a facililator to open doors for their staff. you somehow make it your mission to dictate and lord over your subordinates, as if you need reassurance that you are the boss.

you are stubborn and obstinated, arrogant enough to think that you can function without any body else's inputs. you are over-demanding, dominating and you turn people off with your high-and-mighty attitude. i will never understand how you got to be like this; it must be due to the fact that you've never had to apply for a job in your life, that you've been poached throughout your working career. (or so you claim.)

you told me once i lack direction and focus. yes, it is reflective of my director. but as of this instant, i dissolve any affiliations to you. to think i gave you the benefit of the doubt. i have lost all respect for you.

so good luck. i hope you can answer the questions that will be thrown to you in The End.

A Buncha Crap

i got this from http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscompatible/0,,bk0x-p,00.html

Birth Order Compatibility: Your Best -- and Worst -- Matches for Loveby Dr. Kevin Leman
Did you know that your birth order can affect your relationship? Find out which marriage combinations work best -- and how yours compares -- in this excerpt from
The Birth Order Connection now.

BEST BIRTH ORDER MARRIAGES
Only child and youngest; first-born and youngest; middle child and youngest: Gender plays a role here as well. If you want the absolute best match, it's female only or first-born marrying a male youngest child who has older sisters. The last born with older sisters is going to be the sort of person who brings out the maternal instinct in women, and the oldest sister is likely to have great maternal urges. The young man has grown up with girls who have doted on him, cared for him, and generally treated him like one of their cuddly toys. This is the same sort of treatment he seeks in a wife, and the best place he'll find it is with an oldest sister. The match works both ways. The first-born needs someone to show her pleasures of sunsets, rainbows, and to remind her that it can be fun to let her mind wander and do something crazy or different. The last-born needs someone to show him that while having fun is a wonderful thing, it takes hard work and perseverance to turn those daydreams into reality.

First Born Married To A First Born: Likely high friction. Either butting heads from day one, or falling into a controller-pleaser relationship. Think John McEnroe and Tatum O'Neal, and you'll have some idea of how difficult it can be to make such a pairing work.

First Born Married To A Middle Child: The danger here is that the middle-born may modify his or her own behavior to please the first-born mate. While the middle makes a good general match for anyone (except, perhaps, for another middle), she may find the first born to be somewhat intimidating and thus need drawing out. If you marry a hard-driving first-born, you may be inclined to give up your own desires and dreams to please your more dominant, first-born spouse. However, if you have last-born tendencies, this can be a very good match for you.

First Born Married To The Last Born: Excellent combination: First-born can teach last-born how to be better organized, and that there are times when life must be taken seriously. The last-born teaches the first-born that it's okay to have fun once in a while.
What are the worst combinations?

Middle Child Married To A Middle Child: Has the potential to go either way. If one of the middle-borns has first-born tendencies and one has last-born tendencies and traits, this can be a good match. On the other hand, if both partners are solid, secretive middle-born communication is likely to suffer -- though you'll do well compromising to get along and keep the peace. Has the least chance of experiencing marital infidelity.

Middle Child Married to Last Born: Works best if the middle born has some first-born tendencies. If the middle is a true middle, he may find himself pulled into the last-born's more irresponsible lifestyle, creating the problems seen in a last-born to last-born marriage. If she has last-born tendencies, there could be trouble. If she has first-born traits, then a great match.

Last Born Married To A Last Born: Be careful here. You may have fun, but you'll also feel like life is getting a little out of control, with nobody in charge. Even last-borns can handle controlled chaos for only so long. WORST FAMILY BLENDOnly-child female and an only-child male: Not only will the two butt heads, but neither will have much of a clue about the other gender.

Female last-born with no brothers and male last-born with no sisters: Not only are you compounding the problems of two last-borns, but neither really knows very much about the opposite sex -- at least in a psychological sense -- and so wouldn't be particularly understanding and supportive of each other.

*From The Birth Order Connection (Revell, September 2001)

what a buncha crap...who wants to join me in proving this wrong?

Full Semi Circle

delicate - damien rice ("so why'd you fill my sorrows with the words you borrowed from the only place you've known")

*does a loooooooooooooooooong stretch*

Ramadan was a good break from this world. out of 10, i'd rate me a 7.5 for my efforts and bettering myself. : ) insya Allah there are lessons to be learnt and i'm sure i won't waste subsequent Ramadan.

this year's Ramadan was also special, it was the last one that i will go thru as a single. next year's insya Allah i will go thru it with awak. sahur with him, fast with him, break fast with him, go prayers with him and wake him up for qiyyam. hah! right...i can't even drag my own butt outta bed some nights...

189 days to my nikah insya Allah...and yes...i have to confirm...i have done nothing! muehahehaehahehaehehahe....yeah i'm waiting for a miracle, a magic wand to appear before me and i can just flick my wrist here and there and things will miraculously appear or confirm by themselves. why am i not feeling excited? or busy with the preparations? (or rather, the lack of it)...well, for a start, much has to do with the fact that my walimah date is not confirmed yet (tho awak started asking) and well...let's just say that mother is rather reluctant to let her favorite second daughter leave the nest, so she's taking her own sweet time on planning and confirming the dates and other stuff. and without mother's ok, my hands are pretty tied. so please...everyone...please be patient. i will most definitely start work pretty soon and will have updates then.

ok i lied. i did make one tiny bit of preparation. planning my honeymoon! YAY! awak has just given the go-ahead to splurge on a 10-day adventure.exploration.discovery getaway...........so where's this mystery location? stay tuned.

it's good to be blogging again. : )

Back and Recharged

mood: still lazy...
music: "you put the lime in the coke you nut..."

i'm back you peeps...gimme a while to settle this new skin...

Closed For Spiritual Maintenance

Is There Something Wrong With Me

mood: oh so lazy
music: these words - natasha bedingfield ("these words are my own from my heart flown i love you")

skipped to a friend's blog and in her links area, i'm listed as "Mrs-Awak-to-be". and all the other people on her links area are listed as such too, Mrs-Somebody or Mr-Someone. so the kaypoh in me clicked at random, just to peep into these people's world.

and every blog i read about was on love. these people's lives with the other halfs. it made me feel weird that i don't blog about awak everyday...and looking back thru my recent entries, i realized i've not blogged about awak in quite a while!

*panic button activated*

err...is there cause for alarm? truth be told...i've not seen awak for about three days now, and the last time was when he saw my back as i walked off from an arguement. yes yes...i know that was a sucky thing to do, walking away does not solve things, i know and if he did it, i would have flown into a rage and pulled him back by his ear! but i felt like i was losing control and it was far better to walk away than to say what was at the tip of my tongue. (it would have made foul-mouthed sailors blush)

so till today we're chilling. both our ego are about wounded from the beating and i hope this has taught us a lesson. that when two people are in love, they will hurt each other more. have respect for the people you love, peeps. respect them and trust that they know what they are doing, and respect them enough to always be honest. respect them as human beings who may make mistakes, and respect them as the people who will be putting you to bed at night when you fall asleep drooling in front of the teevee.

so in honour of awak, and to absolve my guilt, i'm reposting this to remind me what a fantastic baby i have, and thank God for him.

---------------------------------------------------------

mood: got such thing as praying mood?
music: fall to pieces - avril lavinge ("you're the only one i'd be with till the end when i come undone you will bring me back again")

i wanna blog about awak.

i think to awak, i am insane. sometimes downright crazy. i dun eat seafood, will order chicken most of the time, will only drink ice cold pokka green tea, hate shopping, even for things i need. i will remember things better than he does, so unfortunately that will make me remember when something is not done or when promises are not met. when i'm pmstic, i will turn into a crybaby and turn on the tap at the slightest thing.

of all my traits i can be demanding, unreasonable, selfish and downright sarcastic. and awak seems to bear the brunt of things. it's tiring for me to have to explain to him all of my emotions, but i guess it must be equally frustrating for him to get whammed by me left right centre upside down.

but...God is fair. just as i am blessed with a good memory, awak can forget things. he forgets when i've been unreasonably stubborn one day and still wakes me up the next morning with "hello dear!" sometimes he speaks to me in that baby voice that he uses only with me. he has this instinct where he will get me stuff that at first glance i think "oh my god what's this for" only to find that later i actually find it coming useful at times of need. his gift of being calm and collected when i'm falling apart.

i'm like a kite. and awak is my string. he lets me soar into the heights, but he will always keep me attached and grounded so i know my footing. he holds me tightly so i dun get lost in turbulant winds and violent storms. he decorates me, so i look good when i shine. he gives me freedom to be myself in my space, but always pulls me close when i charter into dangerous territory.

i know awak loves me. and the years we've been together are not proof of that - rather, they are a testament of the everyday things that he does to express the love, appreciation and respect he has for me. he loves me, faults and all.

so i thank Him. for granting me His Love, His Peace and His Tranquility thru awak.

NBC 23/09/2005 - 24/09/2005

happy early birthday, bananaz and asap! and thanks to the fantastic 6+1 for a FANTASTIC weekend.

Down By The Sea

mood: stagnant
music: my favourite mistake - sheryl crow ("did you know could you tell you were the only one")

just got back from tangkak/melaka yesterday and now it's back to work. i have got to stop taking these weekend getaways, man...sunday night is not a good day to come back from holiday...

but anyway...alhamdulillah...all's well and that's about it for weddings, as far as my family goes. the next to be married is moi...and she's not even in the mood to discuss that.

for the first time since the longest time the whole family was there. my family was complete. father, mother, sister, brother in law, nephew, brother, me and and awak. (ok well techincally he's not part of the family yet lah but he's getting there. and he is such an auntie-killer!)

my most vivid recollection of this picture perfect moment was on saturday night where we had dinner at this food place near pantai klebang. under the stars, by the sea and a couple of confused waiters, we had a perfect dinner. just us. the entire family complete.

bliss...when can we do this again?

I'm Hot Tempered. Who Loves Me?

mood: don't care-ish
music: out of my head - fastball ("how could i have ever been so blind")

the past two days have been insane. and all thanks to lifeguards.

i tell myself everyday...i must be strong and make the best of the situation that i am in. there is no point in trying to beat the system. some things are beyond our control, yes, i concede that.

but my dear friends, please accept that i cannot and never will be a "yes-man". that is my principle. i will fight. i will put all my cards on the table and i will push and bulldoze my way around if i know that i am on the right side. and i don't care what happens to me in the process, so long as the bigger picture is served. and i can do this because i know what is and what is not important to me. i know that at the end of the day we will all be held accountable for our actions and that makes me responsible.

and i'm sorry, baguana, for being too assertive. i pushed you too hard and i kick myself for that. i need to learn tact, right? yes...so that shall be my OJT for the next couple of weeks. you can claim $8 per hour from IFD. just need to write BRAC paper for IAA to approve. sure get one ok?
: )

You Bloody Racist!

mood: justified
music: let it be - the beatles ("and when the broken hearted people living in the world agree there will be an answer")

today two bloggers were charged for making racist comments online.

under the sedition act of 1948, two men were brought into the district court for making racist comments on malays and muslims. if convicted, they may face a jail term of three years and a $5000 fine.

justice is served.

was it?

whatever lah.

i came across a racist blog the other day, and had a serious discussion with xlrc. of course, he told me what i had always known, but hearing it being said to my face sort of woke me up.

we all have to live with some sort of prejudice and racism, even here in this cozy place we call home. the indians have to live with the fact that people think they are smelly. the malays have to live with the fact that people think they are lazy. the chinese have to live with the fact that people think they are greedy. so what?

yes...humans aren't perfect. actually He created us perfect; we're the ones who destroyed our lives and eroded our values. so anyway...we temporal beings must live with one another in harmony, if not we'll get ourselves extinct. so the point is, we have to learn to live with ourselves. and if you think this is a very politically correct answer, you're wrong.

this is the perfect answer. racial tolerance is such a silly concept. look at the word tolerance! who says i have to tolerate smoky piles of paper burning during the seventh month? who says i have to tolerate the incessant banging of gongs and drums and chanting when there's a funeral at the void deck? i don't tolerate it. i understand it and i accept it. so, my dearest xlrc, i am not being politically correct. i am being honest, coz god knows if i were to try to tolerate the differences that we have to face in singapore, sooner or later i will give up on this system.

yes it's hard. but that's the price to pay.

ps: xlrc, i have to admit it. when i was chatting to you about how generally people here act on their prejudice, you said that it's because the race perpetuates the prejudice. and i agreed with you. i thought that it was unfair for people to judge other based on stereotypes and preconceived notions, to which you replied "hey my girl, life isn't fair".

i felt mad. i wanted to scream at you "when has life ever been unfair to you?!"

just earlier this week i knew when.

and i feel rotten about even feeling the way i did. so i'm sorry.

that's what the apology is for.

Willing To Talk

ANNOUNCEMENT

i'm looking for malay / muslims homosexuals (male or female) under the age of 32 who will be willing to talk to me (or at least email) for a feature story in a local magazine for teenagers. only the real name and contact numbers of the individuals will be disclosed to the writer (which is me) or my editor. strictly no photographs will be used, and pseudonyms will be used in the article.

if you know of any such individuals, please do email me at whynotaai@yahoo.com

Down Time

THE FANTASTIC SIX plus ONE

clockwise from left: asap, coffeebean, chups, bananaz, baguana, viva and ranj

(just some of the peeps who make my life much more beareable at work)

photo courtesy of asap.

Boo Freaking Hoo

mood: grr
music: untitled - simple plan ("so i try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered")

i want to stand on top of a mountain and curse. a lot. and using as much vile and disgusting vulgarities as i can muster. and don't any of you peeps use the c-word or the f-word in front of me...please. i swear i will explode.

it'll be very easy to be upset and get angry. even if i feel violated and taken advantage of, i am powerless to change it.

let's face it. the whole bunch of us in the c-word based division is screwed. what re-org? as far as we can see, this is simply a transfer of division. the people who were hired for a specific function are now forced to perform another function, or better yet, sit down and play rookie to the other people who have been doing the function a lot longer. and there goes a wealth of experience and knowledge. i'm so darn tired. making excuses for people and convincing myself that it's going to be alright.

life is not fair. right. i get it. but who saw this coming?

it's not going to be alright. i'm so screwed.

seriously...wake me up when september ends.

Shop Till I Drop

mood: grumpy and angry and throwing an allowed tantrum
music: diatas normal (beyond normal) - peterpan ("pikiranku patutnya menyedari siapa yang harus dan tak harus ku cari" / my mind should realize who it should and should not be looking for")

oh well peeps! i'm back from a long break away from the cyberworld and ill health thanks to a certain antibiotic called amoxyllin.

i was in kelantan over the weekend for abang ngah's wedding. finally! i love family gatherings such as those (even though i was only half conscious to actually sit thru the entire ceremony). found time to go to pengkalan kubur, very near to the golok border to shop for dirt cheap items like nice fabrics, knick knacks and clothes. of course mother and uda went berserk with the tudong-shopping while i was actually melting under the 35 degrees sun. but still managed to find a very nice telekong for awak to give me as part of hantarans. *yay*!

we also found time to go down to terengganu on saturday. the pasar payang is a huge place! undoubtedly the objective of visiting the market was to buy songkets and batiks for me and awak to make more hantarans. it was there i realized what a terrible bargainer i am. i think i am every shopholder's dream customer. i never question the price, and certainly i don't have the guts to bargain the price down, even though i know i should. hahaha! but that's what uda is for! she bargained the price of the two songket sampings that i bought for awak down that even the shopkeeper was impressed!

and uda also insisted that i go to this boutique silk batik shop. allegedly, it's the best in malaysia and if you want to buy batik, you buy from noor arfa. and at uda's and mother's strongly worded encouragements, i got a lovely deep red batik cloth to make into a nice baju kebaya for awak to give me as yet another hantaran. i'm ashamed to share on the price i paid for that one. it seems terribly exorbitant, even when in rm. but, as uda rightly pointed out, "you get married only once! and this hantaran thing lah is the time for you to get him to give you stuff like this. once you're married, hah! don't even dream. husbands in general never do!"

hahahahaha....is that true guys? awak? really? will our hantarans be the last time you get me nice stuff like that? i hope not...but seriously, i don't mind if you never get me the kindda of stuff that we're having as hantaran...a nice 0.8 carat princess cut diamond solitaire set in platinum will do just fine. : )

so i'm pleased with my hauls...and given more time (and surely more money), me and awak would surely have found almost all the things we need for our hantarans. but since he wasn't there and seriously my pocket was getting lighter and lighter, i decided it was wise to buy stuff we had previously agreed on.

went back to work on toosday...for a dragonboating teambuilding challenge. a very useful session for today, i'm feeling muscles i never knew i had! cliche-dly, it was a fun activity, but it worked when it tried to get us to get to know each other and break the ice among peeps in the new divisions. ranj, baguana, coffeebean and me of course have our reservations about the prof...but we’re all adopting a wait-and-see approach.

but when it comes to work, seriously i don't care anymore.

that's about all that's happening in my world. yeah pathetic i know...but i like my life simple, thank you very much.

here's that seven thingy toots tagged me with. follow the instructions, peeps!

seven things that scare me
1. my ability to sin
2. my ability to forget
3. not getting His blessings for everything i do
4. speeding cars
5. dark places
6. watching incredible tales on channel five (blardee spooky man...)
7. flying cockroaches

seven things i like the most
1. my faith
2. His love
3. chocolate
4. chicken and cheese
5. my liana
6. teh peng
7. ok this one i hate to admit but...awak's corny jokes.

seven important things in my room
1. my praying corner
2. my bed
3. my fan and the wonky remote control
4. my curtains (coz i leave the grilles open and don't wanna do a full monty)
5. cici my cat (hey sometimes he's under my bed)
6. my terribly large collection of bags
7. by laundry basket (which always overflows coz i do laundry like once a month?)

seven random facts about me
1. i have long black hair (which i'm thinking of cutting soon...shld i?)
2. i'm a crybaby during pms-tic times
3. loud
4. i don't care who hears when i sing in the shower
5. i hate cleaning
6. i love cooking
7. the only place in america that i really wanna visit is the yellow stone.

seven things i plan to do before i die
1. pray and repent for my sins
2. repay my parents for every intangible deed
3. complete all the articles of faith
4. get masters in sociology
5. get masters/degree in seerah
6. do umrah at least once more
7. marry awak and have at least four of his kids. (he wants 10. he can have them himself!)

seven things i can do
1. row in a dragonboat (just learnt!)
2. drive
3. sing and yoddle
4. cook a mean spaghetti
5. sleep an afternoon away
6. talk to cici
7. find liana when i've parked it

seven things i can't do
1. read a compass
2. write or read mandarin
3. see beyond 20 meters without my glasses/contacts
4. fix stuff that i've broken.
5. understand why morons and idiots exists
6. remember anything i learnt in sec school maths class
7. my gce o levels combined science paper

seven things i say the most
1. "ha?"
2. "ya Allah!"
3. "sure..."
4. "ta ma de!"
5. "what? why?"
6. "why not"
7. "blinking..."

seven celeb crushes
1. taufik batisah!
2. bryan greenberg - jake in one tree hill
3. milo ventimiglia - jesse in gilmore girls
4. chris pratt - bright in everwood
5. ariel - lead singer of peterpan
6. noah wyle - dr carter in er
7. anthony ruivivar - carlos in third watch

seven people who will have to do this
all y'all who's reading this! even if it exceeds seven!

He Loves Me Yeah Yeah Yeah

mood: i seem to feel pretty happy today...
music: the freshman - the verve ("for the life of me i cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise")

yesterday i took awak to meet cik midah, my family's financial health doctor. she's been pasl with my mom for the longest time and she insures our entire family. so naturally i took awak to her for a quick check up. we discussed a lot about his work and the need for him to be totally insured, thanks to the line he's in. and now he's on the way to being insured.

as i listened to awak and cik midah's animated discussion, i found myself blushing...it was very weird. because...awak kept referring to me as one of his dependents! whenever questions came up about what his financial priorities are, it's always his parents first and then me. when asked how much he would like his dependents to get every month in the event of his death, he turned to me and ask, "dear how much do you want?" i laughed the question off.

we then took off. to my annoyance, we ended up at his carpark.

me: what are we doing here, dear? it's past ten already.
awak: yeah i gotta go upstairs take something.
me: take what? you're sending me back what?
awak: aiyah just go up lah.

so we trudged up to his place. and guess what? future mother in law had made kuih keria for me!

omg...i was floored! it was like the home made kind and it was delicious! she packed like a dozen for me to bring back.

i remember complaining to awak a few weeks ago on how there weren't any good kuih keria stalls around. (well that was before coffee bean took me to that shop at shenton way, THANKS!) i didn't think he'd remember or that he or the future mother in law would go through all that trouble! i was speechless and touched. as we were leaving his place, we passed by the hall was his dad was with a guest, a long time family friend. he salam-ed the guy and pointed to me and said, "tunang saya". ("my fiancee").

so last night i went to sleep feeling very nervous coz for the first time in a long time, i realized that this is serious. with the planning our financial health to being with each other's family and stuff. crunching numbers, i counted 268 days (8.25mths, 38 weeks, 6432 hours, 385920 mins, 23155200 secs) to our wedding.

wow. i'm seriously doing this.

and awak...i don't want your money. i want you to be healthy and alive.

Answers!

oh yes! and answers to my previous post - the are actually TEN factual errors, and they are:

1. i was washing my car (I NEVER WASH MY CAR)

2. unruffling his long lovely hair (awak doesn't have long hair. pls lah, he just finished reservist!)

3 i jumped into his arms (not till we're married lah!)

4. he swung me around. (still not married!)

5. i held on so tight (not married yet lah!)

6. he cupped my face (really...no kidding...not married!)

7. awak: baby, i missed you (awak will never call me baby...)

8. me: honey i love you back (...and i will never call him honey!)

9. and we kissed. (i kid you not...we're not married!)

10. he held me in his arms. (what a pity we're not married yet!)

so who ever who spotted EIGHT can claim the prize from me. anyone spotted TEN?

Thirty! Twenty-five! Ten!

mood: tired...but happy at last
music: everything will be alright - the killers ("i believe in you and me i'm coming to find you if it takes me all night")

good night tonight is.

the battered soldiers who survived the reorg waves hitting the wayang drama agency went out for dinner and ktv session. so nostalgic...as if we all knew that this would be the last time we did this as a team under ID.

sang and sang and drank and drank...haha! thanks for that game that you play with multiples of five and if you lose you gotta drink (thankfully the iced jasmine tea is nice!) we had fun and totally let our hair down.

highlight of the evening was when mrs sham gave a resounding rendition of the mandarin song "Hui Jia" by (eh guys by who ah?) and anyone of you can be a good friend and gimme a translation pweeze?

*sigh*...back to reality. what to do? once a cliche bugger said that change was the only constant in life. oh so true. this december will mark my second year with the wayang drama agency, and i have seen so many changes happening. you suck it up and you move on, right? just do your best, with the people around you as support.

so here's to the people around me who gave me support. mr retail, mr attractions, miss ir, mr future director, baguana, viva, ajojoz, mrs sham, ms carnegie hall and mr singh. and also to those who weren't around, princess fiona, sar, and the rest of your ten floor-ers. and to keep us sane and not give up...here's something that captain kan shared with us at the offsite. so peeps, keep your hopes and dreams up. and stay insane.

"here's to the crazy ones. the misfits. the rebels. the troublemakers. the round pegs in the square holes. the one who see things differently. they're not fond of rules. and they have no respect for the status quo. you can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. about the only thing you can't do is ignore them. because they change things. they invent. they imagine. they heal. they explore. they create. they inspire. they push the human race forward. maybe they have to be crazy. how else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? or sit in silence and hear a song that's never been written? or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? we make tools for these kinds of people. while some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. because the people who are crazy enough to thinkthey can change the world, are the ones who do." - apple computers

g'night peeps...stay safe tonight.

Seven Days

mood: top of the world
music: underneath your clothes - shakira ("underneath your clothes there's an endless story. there's the man i chose there's my territory")

awak is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

it was such a shock. i was washing my car and cursing the birds above when i heard the all too familiar thunder of his phantom. true 'nuff, he parked at his usual spot, took of his helmet and shook his head, unruffling his long lovely hair. i shrieked, dropped my sponge and ran towards him. he met me halfway across the carpark. i jumped into his arms and he swung me around. i held on so tight and didn't wanna let go. he cupped my face and looked deep into my eyes and into my soul.

awak: baby, i missed you
me: honey i love you back

and we kissed. and the clouds above parted and the moon shone with such brilliance. as he held me in his arms, i felt all my worries melt away.

yeah right.


yeaup...been reading too many trashy romance novels, thanks to mother who's been pestering me to write some reviews for publication.

by the way...there are EIGHT factual errors in the fiction above. whichever one of you can tell will be rewarded with a special edition "friends" button from me!

what really happened was...

he came back, and we had a lovely lunch at breeks harbourfront, where the food was good and the service not bad. we caught up on a lot of things, he updating me on the force front and me updating him with the latest waves hitting the wayang drama agency.

awak : so how are you dear?
me: ok...but i missed you much. did you miss me?
awak: nope. not at all. i was too busy.

i looked down, pouting to myself. then he cleared his throat and asked.

awak: so...err...did anybody disturb you while i was away?

the question shocked me. how did he know?!

so i told him the truth. the story about the guy from the train station. sorry awak...you're mine..ALL MINE! (evil laughter)

we also talked a bit about our impending wedding in 276 days time, having hit on some ideas i got over the weekend. to me, it is a bit too early to start the wheel in motion, but there's no harm in throwing out ideas and plans yeah?

then we caught "the truth about love". hilarious coz of three reasons.

a) the ticket lady and the usher asked for my ic as proof that i was above 16,
b) the movie theater was empty so awak and i laughed out loud everytime the eff word was said, and
c) jennifer love hewitt's efforts at trying to speak with an english accent

and then we went back. nice day, coz he was around and there were so many things we had to catch up on. and i just kindda love the feeling that he's around. makes me feel safe.

so awak is back y'all! you hear me?! he's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

alhamdulillah.... : )

May God Have Mercy On Your Soul

mood: bite me
music: polaris - jimmyeatworld ("i'll say it straight and plain. i know i've made mistakes i've always been afraid.")

so tired.

tired of feeling angry and upset all the time. tired of complaining. tired of asking why.

tired of making excuses for people who are undeserving. tired of putting up with those who will never ever be satisfied with no matter what i do. tired of them who try to make me feel stupid and put me down.

tired of those who lie to my face. tired of them who talk behind my back. tired of the ones who take advantage of me.

you know what? fine. i don't need you. you are nothing to me and i don't give two hoots about who you are and what you think you can do to me. as far as i'm concerned, you do not exist, and what does not exist to me can't hurt me. i'm made of stronger things and i have been through worse rubbish than what you're dishing out to me right now, so who the hucking fell do you think you are?

don't need to ask. i forgive you. sincerely. with all my heart. now go and seek forgiveness to God. may He forgive you.

*takes a deep breath*....ok God, it's over to You now. i redha with all that You destine. please grant me the strenght to accept it.

Stay Safe Tonight, Awak

mood: sleepie at the office
music: mad season - matchbox twenty ("i need you now do you think you can cope")

awak is full of suprises.

on saturday night i called him from jb. the conversation went:

me: dear what are you watching?
awak: paycheck. what are you doing?
me: oh i'm watching the story of us.
awak: of course you are...coz it's the first movie we watched together.

i was so shocked he actually remembered! and he knew i'd be watching. but he did...aww~~.

*grin like monkey*


*grin some more*


*still grinning*


ok ok i'll cut it out....*grin*..HAHAHAHA! i can't help it!

so when i got back on sunday, we went buying his stuff. awak's reservist in-camp training starts monday for a week. poor baby. we got socks, boxers, tshirts, shampoo (don't they have these stuff?) and packed the rest of his barang-barangs.

so he's in station for a week. probably at central or sengkang. take care, baby...and don't play hero. i'd like my fiancee to come home. alive. in one piece. please? will doa for your safety, dear. *sniff*

but it's ok peeps! it doesn't mean i will have the my-fiancee's-on-reservist syndrome. there were times during the poly days, i saw lotsa girls suffering from the "my-boyfriend's-in-ns" syndrome which was kindda bad. if you form a project group with them, don't ever schedule meets or expect them to do work over the weekend, coz that's when the boyfriend books out and well..you know what happens. so thank God for peer evaluations!

but that was light years ago. another time. another me. i still worry, a lot, given the nature of this work. so i do have a lot to be thankful for.

insya Allah he will be alright. he can cope.

Must Be Good To Be A Bucket

mood: i wanna be a kid all over again
music: willy wonka - oompah loompahs ("willy wonka! willy wonka!")

the best movie this year. the best. this is the kind of movie that makes you forget that you're an old fuddy duddy grown up and brings you back to a time where life was much much less complicated.

johnny depp is truly an inspiring actor. as i watched him bring willy wonka to life, i kept having flashbacks to him in edward scissorhand, blow, pirates of the carribean and i said, "that cannot be the same man." but it was! it was him. excellent excellent performance. give that man an oscar!

if i could make one improvement it'd be the fact that there was no subtitles for the songs that the oompah loompahs sang....they were wonderful...but the lyrics can hardly be heard over the music, so i thought that they should have subtitled the music in english too...as they did in mandarin..

one thing spoiled it for me. it was very very very disturbing and annoying for me to have sat in the movie in front of a row of ignorant kids. throughout the movie, they kept asking anal questions like "mommy why is the house senget? (lopsided)" and "why the grandparents sleep together?" and "mommy why they always eat cabbage soup?" and (i think this is the stupidest question of all "why the elevator make from glass one?"

OH FOR FISH SAKE!

go read the damn book! i didn't think i'd meet anyone who's not heard of charlie and the chocolate factory as a book...dumba**!

but catch it you must! and i can't wait for them to turn the glass elevator into the next movie!!!!!!


"in fact, everything in this room is eatable, even me. but that would be called cannibalism." - willy wonka, charlie and the chocolate factory.

Work Hard For The Money

mood: cold at this height
music: hear you me - jimmyeatworld ("what would you think of me now so lucky so strong so proud")

545 came and went. it's ok, right, awak? it just wasn't meant to be. we'll get it perfect when it's our turn. : )

i realized looking thru my past posts and (hey where'd my archives go?) that i don't talk much about work. now there is a reason, coz i remember signing this piece of document that had the heading of "Official Secrets Act Chapter 213". well...haveing sat for a law paper while doing mcm (and doing pretty well on it, i must say), i know what kindda trouble i can get in the public domain. also with the recent hype on bloggers, i really really don't wanna attract any unnecessary attention.

anyway...what i wanted to share today was the realities of working life. eversince i started working, the message of The Holy Prophet (s.a.w) really hit home, especially when he said the best income was one earned through a business. after all, he (s.a.w) himself was a businessman, a prosperous and honest one at that.

*sigh* such large shoes to follow.

but really...more and more people i know love (read: loathe) their jobs. sister and i was discussing (using loud tones and angry gestures) about it with mother the other days about the eccentricities of our jobs and she commented, "you kids. you've not even worked for five years and you start complaining about you jobs, your bosses..." which was kindda true. i've not reached my two year mark, and sister just got another posting, but! that does not mean that we have to put up with crap at work.

but hearing more and more horror stories, i have come to two basic ideas on work.

idea number one: it's really really really important to do what you like. make a career out of your interests, and quickly decide what you want to do. easier said than done, but when you fall into the endless chain of daily routines, the only thing that keeps you coming back is the work that you do.

which leads me to the second idea.

idea number two: the grass is only greener on the other side coz more cows have crapped on it. if you think by changing jobs you can get away from all the rubbish office politics and horrible colleagues, you're wrong. peeeps, office politics and horrible colleagues are everywhere. they exist in all organizations, at every level. if you feel like changing jobs coz you can't stand your boss or your colleague makes life hell for you, who's to say the next job won't yield the same results?

which links idea number two back to idea number one.

if you like what you do, then you will have the passion to put up with all the rubish that comes along with it, including office politics and lousy colleagues. let's face it, the office politics game is played everywhere. it's how much you want to get involved and what degree of ethics, professionalism and honesty you want to play it with.

*sigh*...personally, it's hard. it's really hard for you to keep positive all the time, especially when crap hits the ceiling and you're drowning.

alhamdulillah...luckily i have awak...he keeps me afloat.

I Floored The Accelerator, And Liana Almost Flew

mood:sleepyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
music: come undone - duran duran ("who do you need who do you love when you come undone?")

*phew*...

i should be in a comatose state right now. left home at 0500 on saturday and returned on 1230hrs on monday. yes...i did it. i drove to KL. something i said that i will never do. heck yes, i'm proud of myself. doin 140 on kl roads...not bad for a manual 1.3 machine. and i also learnt how to drive like orang KL (read: weave in and out of bumper to bumper traffic).

well...anyway it was a good trip. awak's first (of many) road trips with the anak anak lani. of course he impressed all the datins datins. of course he made pals with the cousins. and of course i got nagged at to learn how to cook the food he likes, how to behave when around him (like i turn into a duzzy monkey!)...hrrmph! but awak thanks...for being my extra pair of eyes on the dark expressways. for entertaining my with your (corny) jokes and weird trivia. for feeding me all those asam, kuacis and gum...love you baby...to more of such family gatherings, yes?

as i observed how awak seemed to integrate just fine into my family, i can't help but worry how i will do with his. so far, my interactions with them are limited to his immediate family...not like mine, where my cousin's wife and my aunt's husband are already including us in other family plans lined up.

don't get me wrong. awak's family is great. great people. and i fell comfortable with them. but i've only met his immediate family...as in his parents, siblings and assorted nieces and nephews. err...that's about it? how awak, will your family love me? well...i suppose i have nothing to worry about. after all...i AM very lovable.

so now it's monday morning. back to work. back to my pews paper. back to reality. and reality will sink in at 5.45pm today...so peeps, please make doa for me. much needed. thanks.

have you ever wanted something so much but when faced with the reality of actually getting it, you ask yourself if you're prepared to get it and face all the good and bad things that come with it? Dear God, give me Your Strength and Wisdom to get through this. i don't know how it came to be like this. i should have know what i was getting myself into. but this is one of the rare times that i really feel like somebody's put the blinkers on me and i'm groping around in the dark. well...not exactly in the dark alone, awak's groping too (in the dark, not me...dun get any silly ideas, peeps).

so how, baby? we will clear this phase? counting down to 5.45pm today, ok?

to zackeroos...very sorry that you're going thru such a tough time. will make doa for you and girl, always here if you need. just remember, He will only test you if He Loves you and even so, He will only test you with something He knows you can overcome...so hang in there, dearies. and we'll meet up soon to plan the trip, kay?

and oh...i missed toots engagement!!!! toots...pics?