I Wanna Be A Housewife In Hougang

mood: upset
music: you're beautiful - james blunt ("but we shared a moment that will last till the end")

ok...well, ok...so not hougang. i wanna be ahousewife in bukit gombak.

*sigh*...life is unfair. i get it. you can't be purrfect at everything. but i try.

i do. there are so many roles that we have to play. firstly, i'm a muslim. then i'm also a girl. then i'm also a malay...that's a deadly combi for you. most non-malay girls i know don't even cook or clean.

if you may just read on about one part of my life (well, technically it's my space, so i don't need your permission now do i?)...being from a dual income family, my siblings and i grew up pretty much on our own. we weren't exactly latchkey kids...but we did go home to an empty house and have to mind ourselves till past 7pm when the folks came home. yes...and that included cooking for ourselves, washing up after ourselves, ironing our uniforms and keping the house in some semblance of order. i remember a time when sister left something on the stove. i remember one time i short circuited the house when i poked a fork into the toaster. i remember brother being teased coz he went to school with an hot-iron scar on his cheek.

the things we went through. funny...it made us understand and appreciate the value of money. the worth of a hard day's work. the honour and integrity of beign honest. you want something, you work for it. but through it, we built trust...some of my friends commented recently that my parents are the most liberal parents they've ever met. they are ok with sleepovers and overseas trips. i'm ok to drive around till morning...they trust me, and in return i don't betray that trust.

so the point of this blog is that my folks raised me well. whatever flaws are my own doing. no matter how much i hate to clean i still do it coz it's expected of me. no matter how many times i burn the chicken or put too much salt or too little asam in the dish, i still do it, coz it's expected that i cook for awak and our family one day. no matter how tired or busy i am, i still have to be a good anak dara and keep up appearances. mother always did say "seberapa tinggi kau belajar pun, berapa kaya pun, kalau rumah tangga tak terurus, tak guna." (losely translated, "no matter how smart you are or how rich you will be, if you can't manage your household, it's no use").

what is a girl to do...

Hard Icing Cakes

mood: ache-y
music: forever - vertical horizon ("take these roses all from me let me live let me be")

monday night jogged with awak in preparation for his ippt next month.awak should do well, he's always been a figure of good health - alhamdulillah.

psst! awak, your figure...i lioke..heheheeee...

maybe all that build up of lactic acid is why i am aching till today. darn it, now have gotta run some more so i stop aching. *sigh*...how to run when my bed beckons me everynight! and then the tv calls for me to gaze at it for hours on end...*lol*

will be bringing toots to mak yam's place tonight. ok for those who have not seen my engagement cake and the pastry thingy, i will try and take more pics and post them up and if you wanna order, please do lemme know. this lady is a gem i tell you...where else can you find cakes with hard icing and inscriptions in JAWI?

it's a dying craft, and i feel sad that there's no one to take after her. her cakes are very reasonably priced, and in my opinion, it's better you give this sweet old lady your business then to the neighbourhood stores who also sell floss buns. and her cake designs are gorgeous and unique, not cartoons or the normal flowery designs. if you are looking for something outstanding, classy and unique, you get your cake from her.

i got scolded from a "friend" last night. she asked about my wedding preps and when i told her i've not started on any, she screamed. "BUT YOU HAVE LESS THAN A YEAR LEFT!"

i got so mad.

i actually counted to before replying, "yes i know that. but i've just finised my final exams and awak will only finish his coursework in october, so we'll get down to business insya Allah after the fasting month. right now, we're prioritizing our studies/jobs"

and you know what she said?

"tu lah...abeh kalau dah tahu nak belajar, apasal gatal sangat nak kahwin?" (losely translates into "if you know you're gonna be busy studying, then why so itchy and go and get engaged?)

i didn't even bother to justify her question with an answer.

just because i didn't have invites to my engagement doesn't mean it was blessed by the ones i treasure most. just because i didn't have a dozen hantarans doesn't mean awak and i love each other any less. just because i only wore last year's hari raya baju kurung (which i've never worn before, btw) doesn't mean my family doesn't have class.

i'm happy with my engagement. happy with the food goodies that awak and i exchanged. happy that we took the load off each other to prepare for such a small event. happy that we got the blessings and well-wishes of our families for our relationship. happy that we got our priorities right.

i'm happy, damnit!

mind your own damn business.

Next Stop: ????

mood: wanting
music: life for rent - dido ("nothing i have is truly mine")

i want it. i want it bad.

so much hinges around it. i've been dreaming about it for years...and ever since it came into my life, i got to know it like a fish gets to know water. i need it desperately. i think about it all the time. it consumes me, always. i get upset when other people have it. i want it too! i can do it just as well as they can and i'd like to think that i can do it well.

aaaarrrrgggghhhh....so frustrating! i want it!

well anyway...thanks to giggly who has a wedding in sept...we can forget about CHIANGMAI! darn it! i was sooooo looking forward to it! ok tak per gang...how about sibu 6-8 sept? i know i know...but we can get a real rest for once...and experience the sun(burn), the sand(flies) and the sea(sickness)....all in one go! howwabout it?

awak and i are having a lil' tiff. ok wait...is it a tiff if we can't stay on the phone longer than a minute without quarelling about something? and what is it called if we both choose to make a conscious decision to not talk about something coz deliberating on it any further would cause both to be hurt, angry and upset? *sigh*

awak...i'd rather talk to you about happy stuff then silly stuff. why waste our time on things that we don't know anything about? i told you once and i am telling you again and i will keep telling you. i appreaciate you, baby....no matter what happens (or in this case, doesn't happen).

i suprised my special angel yesterday. but then again, i always do.

D-oh!

mood: drowsee...really...
music: scars - papa roach ("my scars remind me that the past is real")

what a week...

started off with nadzy's nikah. it was very sweet! they were in pink! hats off to the groom for daring to wear pink and appear manly in it on your nikah day!!! well done and congrats guys! but nadzy...we're still going chiangmai in sept hur hur hur...

we also caught fantastic four...the movie was way tooooooo short. it has to be looooonger. at least loooooonger than batman boring begins. i really enjoyed the company of the sohabahs it's always good to be around people who love you and who make you feel good about being good.

we also managed to pop by sgh and visit dr fever's mommy. when i saw her...she took my breath away. the lady has shrunk. her eyes has lost her sparkle and no longer can i see the grace and dignity this lady once had. but the worst part was when dr fever himself arrived. the fact that she was surrounded by her loved ones. the way dr fever stroked her and greeted her. the way his hand never left hers even when he was chatting with us. it was tooo much for me. i had to make my way to the loo and calm myself down. the tears just came naturally. "get a grip" i said to myself as i washed my face a lil' bit.

so God, thank You for all that You have given. the good, the bad, the happiness, the sadness, the joys, the griefs...all came from You.

and thanks for the sohabahs. sohabahs stay with you for life. through school, death, births, new people coming and going, failed relationships, marriages, break ups...they stick around, providing much needed constancy in this ever changing landscape.

thank you my dear sohabahs. even though you all are awak's girlfriends. even though when we're together the bimbo meter reading goes off the charts.

Dear God, I Thank You

mood: got such thing as praying mood?
music: fall to pieces - avril lavinge ("you're the only one i'd be with till the end when i come undone you will bring me back again")

i wanna blog about awak.

i think to awak, i am insane. sometimes downright crazy. i dun eat seafood, will order chicken most of the time, will only drink ice cold pokka green tea, hate shopping, even for things i need. i will remember things better than he does, so unfortunately that will make me remember when something is not done or when promises are not met. when i'm pmstic, i will turn into a crybaby and turn on the tap at the slightest thing.

of all my traits i can be demanding, unreasonable, selfish and downright sarcastic. and awak seems to bear the brunt of things. it's tiring for me to have to explain to him all of my emotions, but i guess it must be equally frustrating for him to get whammed by me left right centre upside down.

but...God is fair. just as i am blessed with a good memory, awak can forget things. he forgets when i've been unreasonably stubborn one day and still wakes me up the next morning with "hello dear!" sometimes he speaks to me in that baby voice that he uses only with me. he has this instinct where he will get me stuff that at first glance i think "oh my god what's this for" only to find that later i actually find it coming useful at times of need. his gift of being calm and collected when i'm falling apart.

i'm like a kite. and awak is my string. he lets me soar into the heights, but he will always keep me attached and grounded so i know my footing. he holds me tightly so i dun get lost in turbulant winds and violent storms. he decorates me, so i look good when i shine. he gives me freedom to be myself in my space, but always pulls me close when i charter into dangerous territory.

i know awak loves me. and the years we've been together are not proof of that - rather, they are a testament of the everyday things that he does to express the love, appreciation and respect he has for me. he loves me, faults and all.

so i thank Him. for granting me His Love, His Peace and His Tranquility thru awak.

The Mango Juice That Wasn't

mood: all studied out
music: total eclipse of the heart - bonnie tyler (once upon a time i was falling in love but now i'm only falling apart)

been good study leave period. much less eventful as the previous one, but at least no earthquakes this time round...*phew...*

friday had dinner with the office peeps. had secret recipe with joz and fion...hahaha...thanks ladies, missed our time together and thanks for telling me that secret receipe is now halal! yaaay!!! can finally have desserts there!

saturday's night out with the sohabah was hilarious! i can still see the waiter's face when i told him the glass he just served me did not hold the mango juice i'd asked for. i still cannot believe he went back to the kitchen and brought out a bottle label "MANGO JUICE" and insisted that it was mango...the glass went round the table and everyone agreed with me...it was not! hahaha...i cannot believe he went back to kitchen to get the bottle. as if it proved anything.

sunday did a very weird thing. had to deliver the essays to prlect at ttsh. i tell you guys...she calls me again, i'm so diverting my line to any one of you guys. I HAVE NIGHTMARES about this woman!!! *shudder*...never again. period.

went to courts and imm with awak on sunday. he wanted to look at furniture. for his house. for when we stay over. hahaha...dear, still a long way away! we shld wait for end of season sale, christmas sale...lots more places we've not been ok? so awak agreed, we surveyed the market and see what was available and do our research now. otherwise when the time comes, we might not be as prepared. even today's walkabout at ikea gave us more ideas as to what will do with our love nest...

actually, i'm pretty ok with anything. i mean, anything goes, man! really...so awak will decide as long as he incorporates my specs into the purchase. for example, i'd like a couch that has a washable cover. my wardrobe has to have A LOT of storage space and my kitchen cabinet has to be a bright colour so that when my chicken is burning, i can see that it's blacker than usual so i don't set off the sprinkler system....

but of course, awak always makes it a "we" decision, consult and conquer!