"saya selalu benar, saya tak buat nakal, saya in si [insert name here], seorang berakal..." - nenek roy.
don't get me started on the "dia marah marah dia..."
hamza will be 9 weeks old tomorrow. how time flies! i'm much better with him now, coz we're finally getting the hang of each other. i know his cries, and can pretty much isolate the manja - nak - dokong - cry, the i'm - hungry - feed - me - now! - cry and the i'm - really - sleepy - but - lawan - mata - cry. that's about it. there's no cry for when he's dirtied his diaper. i'll know when that happens when he's suddenly very quite and looks kinda funny and then three minutes later, i can smell him. sheesh!
hamza and his abi sleeping the day after he was born.
hamza and his abi sleeping now.
my babysitting woes have been solved, alhamdulillah. through getting to know neighbours around the area, we found a family we're comfortable with. today is only the sixth day that hamza is there, but so far so good. the makcik didn't really believe me when i cautioned her of how loud and alarming hamza's cries would be...well, she believes me now!
sappy story alert! the sunday before we were supposed to send hamza for the first time, i was busy preparing all the harta karun that he might need. milk, clothes, diapers, bottles, etc...and hamza was behaving so well! such a good boy, smiling and gurguling away with me and his abi. macam nak ajak berbual. and when the morning came, we sent him there and he immediately fell asleep! i passed the instructions to the makcik and left in a rush. and cried all the way down to the first floor. *sob* *sob* *sniff* *sniff* *baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawls!!!!!!*
in my mind i was thinking, "it's not fair! how come she doesn't have to work!? how come I have to work?! how come I can't take care of him?! how come she gets all his smiles and his laughs and his chuckles?! how come she gets to bathe him?! how come she gets to feed him?!"...irrational thoughts they may be...but all the same, i felt really really really bad. aby just hugged me and said "alah, just think of it as if we left him at rumah mak, lah. you go home and sleep."
the second we reached home i rooted in the laundry basket for the clothes hamza wore yesterday still smelling of milk, baby powder and minyak yu-yi and crawled into bed - where i must say i had the nicest uninterrupted nap i've ever had in a loooong time. heh. ok so i've cried the one time. the token cry to cukupkan syarat. : ) now, i'm really really thankful that i know cik tina is taking good care of him. at least, i can go back to work knowing he is in safe hands.
talking about going back to work...yes...i'm supposed to return this week. *groan!!!!!!!!* probably tomorrow or thursday, i haven't really decided yet. i've told them i won't come back on a monday, knowing how insane mondays can be. so many changes have happened while i was away, i hope i won't take too long to catch up. one part of me really wants to get lost in the world of diaper changing, singing silly rhymes and making baby faces with hamza. the other part also wants to go back to the corporate world and make things happen. sigh...of course it's possible to do both. mother did it, thither's doing it, heck...how many mothers do you know are working full time? i guess it's a dilemma that all full time working moms face.
aby...quick! earn at least 7k/month! then i can retire and be a stay-at-home-mom!
