Time's Up

when was the last time you thought about death?

i'm not ready to die...but i seem to live like i won't.

And Your Time Starts Now...

mood: sleepyyyyyyyy
music: peterpan.....(didn't you see that coming?*lol*)

hi...

yes i know...it's been a while. i just felt that i had nothing to blog about...and i didn't want to subject you to the oh so mundane things that happened in my life.

*sigh*.....so much to do so little time...by now you should know what i'm busy with. things at work are finally falling in place; my programmes should be running smoothly come first week of march. adventure accounts are also due to follow-up...and no thanks to the eunach...i'm proud to say i did it all by meself. *hrrmph*

had a total blast with the gang on movies night...from the getting ready to the being there and the supper after. i love the gang...



Fantastic Six...we are missing one terribly...



from left: bananaz, chups, viva and coffeebean. yeah we took hours to get ready. but we're girls. so shuddup already. : )



from left: shawn, chups, viva and weeping...very nice pic...i dunno why lah? can anyone pin point it?

things on the home front aren't looking so rosy either...yes...mother has finally totally warmed up the the fact that it's happening, with or without her, so either she jumps on the bandwagon or fall off...alamak...i tell you she's jumped on it with full vigor she's driving me absolutely i n s a n e.

i mean...now she's the one rushing. this and that. here and there. and i for one do not like people rushing me...she rush i rush...dammnit...we could have done that ages ago but no...who chose to sulk and mope? and now who...?*sigh*...never mind.

all these pressure and stress...i'm beng stretched very thin. i seriously do not need additional crap from bozos...so i do apologize if i have offended you in anyway...i'm sorry..TRULY! now see you what a horrible person i really am...

but it's ok...i'll behave in the manner that is expected of me and i will hold it together. until that day when it will all fall apart...

insya Allah by then awak will piece me together again...

No!....Really?

mood: stupified
music: jauh mimpiku - peterpan ("ku harus lepaskan mu / i have to let you go")

it feels so good to let go.

sometimes you have to look at your life and really think about that matters to you most. what are the big things? what are the little ones?

for me, since it happened, i started looking at things in a new angle. sure...the insanities are there, the worldly urgency is always pushing me...but now, at the back of my mind i know.

i know that you can treat me however fashion you want. go ahead. just say what you wanna say to me, be it to mock me, ridicule me or even to humour me. treat me as you wish too, pretend i'm important, pretend you really wanna know what i think, pretend my opinion matters.

i've got good news for you. i am not judged by you. there is A HIGHER BEING who Judges All. and i will only answer to Him.

i hope, for your sake, when He Asks, you can answer.

enjoy...stupidest quote of the month:

"we grow older by the year." - e****h

really?...no shit.

more pics of peterpan

i know...i know...i have to stop this insanity soon....

but in the meantime....ENJOY!


loekman - di atas normal


indra - di atas normal


ariel has a white guitar


nope...it's actually black.

look at that smile...who wouldn't melt?


damn his coat looks good.

Fool

mood: that startling clarity and peace that you feel just seconds before you jump off a cliff
music: peterpan's been on my replay mode for the past two weeks...whaddaya expect?

yes...i know. i have been uber lazy in updating this blog. but it's just because i like going to my blog and seeing the boys smile. call me delusion. so what else is new?

anyway....things have pretty much settled from the insane december i had. with the aceh trip, the peterpan concert, the sin ming interviews and all the crazy times with awak settling home issues...i needed some time to recoup and take stock of year 2006.

i wish for time. so true that He said we are all in loss "except such as have Faith and do righteous deeds and (join together) in the mutual Teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy."

i wasted so much time in 2005. hindsight is 20-20 after all. i never noticed the stupidity of my actions until now. so many other things i could have done, would have achieved...all gone down the drain thanks to my own shortcomings.

well...beverly knight sang "shoulda woulda coulda were the last words of a fool"....so this year i plan to not be a fool. this gives you (yes you...the one reading this right now) the permission to call me a fool should you see me doing something err...fool-ish.

dear God, perhaps all this time i have been praying for the wrong things. this time, i won't pray for a lighter load. i pray for a stronger back.

PETERPAN 1 JAN 2006 STADIUM MERDEKA KUALA LUMPUR

mood: surreal
music: my own blend of peterpan

i cannot believe it. i went to KL and was within 5 metres of peterpan!


from left: reza, andika, loekman, uki, ariel, indra

nothing i can say will adequately describe the feeling i brought home with me. my first time in a concert in malaysia...what an experience!

it was worth it. the seven hour train ride. the roundabout route we took to find royale bintang. the waiting in the rain for like 2 hours. the shouting and singing-along. the walk back and who could forget the very eventful morning after.

*blank*.

yes i am actually stupified. speechless. tergamam aku dibuatnya.



before he took off his jacket


after he took off his jacket


still jacket-less


reza (left background), loekman (front) and andika (right background)

andika, why won't you come up front???

i love peterpan. their concert was amazing. they are amazing. the atmosphere was amazing. the crowd was amazing. the weather was not so amazing, but well worth it. they say hujan bawak rahmat, and for that i thank Him for giving me the experience.

*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

ahh~~ now we've gotten that out of the way, i can tell you more about the concert. but the highlight of the concert was not the concert itself. it was more of what happened the morning after.

i can't really put it in writing just suffice to say that if you ever get the opportunity to attend their concert, please do. yeah yeah i know a concert is a concert is a concert, but it's the artist that makes it special for you and for me it was peterpan.

the next morning after subh nyonyah and i went out in the search of shops to get our stuff. in the hopes of at least getting a dry pair of pants for the trip home...yeah right. alas all the shops were closed still, it was after all just past seven.

so we walked and walked a little around petaling street and nyonyah spied "hotel instana" looming in the skyline.

nyonyah: "eh, isn't that where they are staying?"me: "yeah...haha..."

not quite sure whose bright idea it was to ambush peterpan at their concert. i mean, seriously what were we thinking?

so we went to hotel istana. and already spotted the peterpan car and the peterpan van. hoping to meet them when they came down to breakfast, we realized with stupidity that neither one of us has a pen or paper or marker or anything for the boys to sign on! so i made the mad dash to the 7-11 across the street to buy two markers...ya Allah...sanggup seh!

a kind soul noticed us hanging around.

kind soul: "waiting for peterpan?"
me (trying to sound nonchalant): "oh yeah...if we're lucky. but we can't stay long."
kind soul: "why don't you go up to the 14th floor? they're all housed there."

i was like wtf...are you freaking serious? with my heart beating so fast but walking back to where nyonyah was sitting and i told her. we thought we'd just give it a shot to go up to the 14th floor and if we got stopped by their security, oh well what else is new, right?

so we went up. and the floor was deserted. no mean-looking bouncers were lurking in the corridors, wanting to toss me out the building for trespassing onto the 14th floor. so we walked around and were trying to figure out which rooms the boys were in. i mean, all six of them can't be in the same room, right? walked some more and i decided to walk into the storeroom where the housekeeping staff kept their equipment. already so jittery from excitement and anticipation, i was shocked out of my socks when a voice boomed "WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?"

it was one of the chambermaster. sitting on the floor, resting behind his cart. i squatted next to him and asked, "abang, peterpan bilik maner?" (brother, which rooms are peterpan in?)

guess what he did? he pulled out a printout from his pocket. it was the boys' room list!!!!

it's just getting better and better...so armed with the list, we went a-knocking on their doors.

yes...i can HEAR you groaning and cursing me. yes it was terribly rude of me to knock on peterpan's door at 8.30am the night after their concert. and i'm sorry but what would you have done!?

truth be told, i could only tell ariel, andika and loekman apart. i'm not sure who the rest of the boys are, so the first door was open by a rather sleepie eyed head scratching peterpan.

i HAD to ask, "nie bilik peterpan eh?" (is this peterpan's room?) and he grunted in reply.

but he was game and gave us a nice autograph...we thanked him for his willingness and apologized for disturbing his sleep.

as the door closed, i turned to nyonyah and we gave each other a muted scream. you know the one girls give when they're flustered and excited about seeing a famous cute star in his boxers? yeah that one!

i quickly turned around and "eh siapa seh yang tu?" (which one was that one?) yes...we had no idea who that was. can you imagine????

it was uki.

imagine this face sleepie eyed....so cute right?

the next room was andika's. even cuter in real life and i got real close to him coz he was sooooo far away on stage behind the keyboard.

this one is the cute one!

the same routine and i asked him "so kapan kalian ker singapur?" (when are you guys coming to singapore?)

and he said "april, mungkin." (april, maybe).

my darling, that's good enough for me!

so me and nyonyah went round knocking on the others' doors. alas indra and loekman were still sleeping, it was their wives who answered the door. i even got a glimpse of loekman's lil girl! so sweet! we congratulated them on a fantastic concert and left them to their sleep.

we did try ariel's room, but no one answered. and reza...well, bro, sorry to have disturbed you wifey. please say a big sorry to the missus for waking you peeps up.

so nyonyah and i took a slow stroll out of the hotel and so nonchalantly got into a cab at 9.15am (hello are we forgettign that our bus leaves at 9.30 at pudu???) and in the cab gave the most girliest squeal we would ever give and shocked the taxi driver.

a 2 minutes ride back to royale bintang and a mad dash to our rooms to pack our barang barang and in 3 minutes we were back dowstairs in a cab waiting to take us to pudu. 2 minutes later (thank God there wasn't a jam) we were on the eltabina bus en route home.

so that's my peterpan experience. insane? yes. memorable? definitely. out of this world.

i'm still star-strucked. how about you?

On The Run

hey peeps...

my schedule in december:

10th - 13th : segamat - cherating (malaysia)
20th - 27th : banda aceh - samalanga - lokhsamauwe (indonesia)

yes i've been away...as you can see...and i'm so sorry i forgot to update stuff here. i will be back with a vengence, but not before

peterpan live 1st jan stadium merdeka!

yes...i'm going to see peterpan live in concert!!!!!!!!!

have lots to share, peeps, so please stay tuned...

*sings* tak bisakah kau menungguku....

hatiku bimbang namun tetap pikirkanmu
selalu
selalu dalam hatiku
ku melangkah sejauh apapun itu
selalu
engkau di dalam hatiku

ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu
berharap temukan sisa hatimu
mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu
mengerti kau di dalam hatiku

tak bisakah kau menungguku
hingga nanti tetap menunggu
tak bisakah kau menuntunku
menemani jalan hidupku

dara kau menjadi hidupku
kemana kau tahu isi hatiku
tunggu sejenak aku di situ
jalanku jalan menemukanmu

my heart worries but still i think of you
always
you're always in my heart
even when we're miles apart
always you're in my heart

i walk around spinning time
hoping for remnants of your love
understand that i want you
understand you're in my heart

can't you wait for me
and keep on waiting for me
can't you watch me
and accompany me on my life journey

girl you are my life
you know what's in my heart
just wait a while for me there
my path to meet you

Pull Pull Here and Pull Pull There

extremely emotional entry alert.

you are highly advised to NOT make non constructive comments. and beside...i don't care what you think anyway, so piss off.

i'm tired. i dun wan't to think anymore.

yes...planning a wedding is blardy hard. i know that now. to quote coffeebean, "there will always be a time when you have a disagreement or a misunderstanding...no 2 person has the same head/brain"

but! when i want A and awak wants E...if we want to resolve it, we have to agree to meet at C. and what is C, children? C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. c'mon...say it with me. COMPROMISE.

but ok since no one cares two cahoots about what i want, it's ok then.

i'll just whip out my magic wand and fulfill everybody's wishes, mother's, father's and awak's and maybe spare the leftovers for meself. if there is any.

so go ahead, my loved ones, tear me apart. if that is what it takes to find some freaking peace around here and for someone to make the blinking decisions, i guess my sanity is not very important after all.

i thank God for giving me this time in aceh to reflect on the bigger things in life. i thank Him for showing me my true purpose in life and why i am on His earth. i'll give you a clue: it's certainly not to choose wedding bands, juggle impossible timelines or plan for a one day wedding when the important thing is the marriage of a lifetime.

wayang drama peeps, sorry i am highly irritable and sensitive right now, especially with these matters of the heart and dick's ultra annoying back stabbing ways, so please forgive me.

darul peeps, yes...been really occupied with these stuff to put 100% into the aceh trip, but trust me the work will be done in time. we'll do good work in aceh.

and for you other peeps, if this entry offends you due to the gross language, sorry. i guess.

*sniff*...hucking fell.

where the heck is my time/date option!?

These Are The Dates

mood: yeah whatever
music: have a nice day - bon jovi ("when the world gets in my face i say have a nice day")

the past fourteen days have been a rollercoaster. just as i was recovering from post hari raya fatigue, things started rolling in.

baguana left and work stopped being funny. awak and i had a sudden flash of energy to search for our wedding bands, only to falter in our search. (why the heck do we need wedding bands anyway, we're malays, for fish's sake!).

work then progressed into torture and then planning my aceh trip began. culminated with my special angel's birthday...goodness...i feel like i've felt every possible emotion a human can emotionally have this past two weeks.

but...all's well ends well. bags sent us her lovely pictures and as estee lauder said, every woman looks radiant on her wedding day. sorry we could not be there, but best wishes to you and roger rabbit!

i'm feeling kindda stimulated at work nowadays coz of dick (not the real name, guys...duh~) hahaha...dick is really stimulating. dick is challenging and i consider dick my competitor. dick is good and very smart, enough to know what to do to get what. it's so fun and interesting for me to have a worthy adversary in the office. so we shall see...how i can find creative ways to outdo dick.

awak and my search for our wedding bands was thankfully resolved just last sunday, after two intensive days of thinking, calculating, selecting and of course bickering over the bands. it's times like this that i can see how different awak and i are, in our ideas and our notions. so of course there'll be disagreements along the way. i got so mad i barked at him (who knew i had canine tendencies?) and awak threw his usual moody and cold tantrum...*sigh*...aper lah susah sangat, kan? but in the end we resolved and had a real good time making up...*flutters eyelids shyly*...kan, awak, kan??? *muehahehaheahehehee*

oh yes...talking about that...finally i have some concrete dates of my wedding. mother has eventually thawed and finally (albeit reluctantly) agreed for the nikah to be on 18th May 2006 and the walimah on the 3th September 2006 (insya Allah) ....so peeps, expect to be activated for these dates... : )

darn...the finalizing of the dates also mean i have to sit down and start planning. grr...

11 People On A Rope

11 People On A Rope

eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. the rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided, that one had to leave, because otherwise, they were all going to fall. they weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

she said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little returns.

as soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

Lie and Don't Get Caught

so disappointing.

why did you lie? why did you think that you had to lie? why the need to deceive?

i just don't get it. if you didn't want to join us, say so. if you wanted to go out with other people, well go ahead. nobody's the slave of no one.

it's stupid, lie about something as trivial as jalan raya.

did you seriously think i wouldn't find out?

next time look at me when you're lying to my face ok?

Open Letter

mood: vindicatedmusic: polaris - jimmyeatworld ("i'll say it straight and plain. i know i've made mistakes i've always been afraid.")

but i am not afraid anymore. this is my open letter to you. it warrants no reply; i do not need justifications.

dear ,

my parents raised me good. it is WRONG to put someone else down just so you can feel better about yourself. if you are in a leadership position, use your responsibilities wisely. don't think that the world owes you something just because you are there; rather, you are supposed to give back to the people who entrusted you with the power.

i feel sorry for you. you are so insecured, you feel the need to put others down and embarrasse them so that you can feel good about yourself. i feel sorry that you live in a deluded world where your only concern is what you think is right, even if evidence proves otherwise. most bossess i know make it a habit to be consultative leaders, and see their function as a facililator to open doors for their staff. you somehow make it your mission to dictate and lord over your subordinates, as if you need reassurance that you are the boss.

you are stubborn and obstinated, arrogant enough to think that you can function without any body else's inputs. you are over-demanding, dominating and you turn people off with your high-and-mighty attitude. i will never understand how you got to be like this; it must be due to the fact that you've never had to apply for a job in your life, that you've been poached throughout your working career. (or so you claim.)

you told me once i lack direction and focus. yes, it is reflective of my director. but as of this instant, i dissolve any affiliations to you. to think i gave you the benefit of the doubt. i have lost all respect for you.

so good luck. i hope you can answer the questions that will be thrown to you in The End.

A Buncha Crap

i got this from http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscompatible/0,,bk0x-p,00.html

Birth Order Compatibility: Your Best -- and Worst -- Matches for Loveby Dr. Kevin Leman
Did you know that your birth order can affect your relationship? Find out which marriage combinations work best -- and how yours compares -- in this excerpt from
The Birth Order Connection now.

BEST BIRTH ORDER MARRIAGES
Only child and youngest; first-born and youngest; middle child and youngest: Gender plays a role here as well. If you want the absolute best match, it's female only or first-born marrying a male youngest child who has older sisters. The last born with older sisters is going to be the sort of person who brings out the maternal instinct in women, and the oldest sister is likely to have great maternal urges. The young man has grown up with girls who have doted on him, cared for him, and generally treated him like one of their cuddly toys. This is the same sort of treatment he seeks in a wife, and the best place he'll find it is with an oldest sister. The match works both ways. The first-born needs someone to show her pleasures of sunsets, rainbows, and to remind her that it can be fun to let her mind wander and do something crazy or different. The last-born needs someone to show him that while having fun is a wonderful thing, it takes hard work and perseverance to turn those daydreams into reality.

First Born Married To A First Born: Likely high friction. Either butting heads from day one, or falling into a controller-pleaser relationship. Think John McEnroe and Tatum O'Neal, and you'll have some idea of how difficult it can be to make such a pairing work.

First Born Married To A Middle Child: The danger here is that the middle-born may modify his or her own behavior to please the first-born mate. While the middle makes a good general match for anyone (except, perhaps, for another middle), she may find the first born to be somewhat intimidating and thus need drawing out. If you marry a hard-driving first-born, you may be inclined to give up your own desires and dreams to please your more dominant, first-born spouse. However, if you have last-born tendencies, this can be a very good match for you.

First Born Married To The Last Born: Excellent combination: First-born can teach last-born how to be better organized, and that there are times when life must be taken seriously. The last-born teaches the first-born that it's okay to have fun once in a while.
What are the worst combinations?

Middle Child Married To A Middle Child: Has the potential to go either way. If one of the middle-borns has first-born tendencies and one has last-born tendencies and traits, this can be a good match. On the other hand, if both partners are solid, secretive middle-born communication is likely to suffer -- though you'll do well compromising to get along and keep the peace. Has the least chance of experiencing marital infidelity.

Middle Child Married to Last Born: Works best if the middle born has some first-born tendencies. If the middle is a true middle, he may find himself pulled into the last-born's more irresponsible lifestyle, creating the problems seen in a last-born to last-born marriage. If she has last-born tendencies, there could be trouble. If she has first-born traits, then a great match.

Last Born Married To A Last Born: Be careful here. You may have fun, but you'll also feel like life is getting a little out of control, with nobody in charge. Even last-borns can handle controlled chaos for only so long. WORST FAMILY BLENDOnly-child female and an only-child male: Not only will the two butt heads, but neither will have much of a clue about the other gender.

Female last-born with no brothers and male last-born with no sisters: Not only are you compounding the problems of two last-borns, but neither really knows very much about the opposite sex -- at least in a psychological sense -- and so wouldn't be particularly understanding and supportive of each other.

*From The Birth Order Connection (Revell, September 2001)

what a buncha crap...who wants to join me in proving this wrong?

Full Semi Circle

delicate - damien rice ("so why'd you fill my sorrows with the words you borrowed from the only place you've known")

*does a loooooooooooooooooong stretch*

Ramadan was a good break from this world. out of 10, i'd rate me a 7.5 for my efforts and bettering myself. : ) insya Allah there are lessons to be learnt and i'm sure i won't waste subsequent Ramadan.

this year's Ramadan was also special, it was the last one that i will go thru as a single. next year's insya Allah i will go thru it with awak. sahur with him, fast with him, break fast with him, go prayers with him and wake him up for qiyyam. hah! right...i can't even drag my own butt outta bed some nights...

189 days to my nikah insya Allah...and yes...i have to confirm...i have done nothing! muehahehaehahehaehehahe....yeah i'm waiting for a miracle, a magic wand to appear before me and i can just flick my wrist here and there and things will miraculously appear or confirm by themselves. why am i not feeling excited? or busy with the preparations? (or rather, the lack of it)...well, for a start, much has to do with the fact that my walimah date is not confirmed yet (tho awak started asking) and well...let's just say that mother is rather reluctant to let her favorite second daughter leave the nest, so she's taking her own sweet time on planning and confirming the dates and other stuff. and without mother's ok, my hands are pretty tied. so please...everyone...please be patient. i will most definitely start work pretty soon and will have updates then.

ok i lied. i did make one tiny bit of preparation. planning my honeymoon! YAY! awak has just given the go-ahead to splurge on a 10-day adventure.exploration.discovery getaway...........so where's this mystery location? stay tuned.

it's good to be blogging again. : )

Back and Recharged

mood: still lazy...
music: "you put the lime in the coke you nut..."

i'm back you peeps...gimme a while to settle this new skin...

Closed For Spiritual Maintenance

Is There Something Wrong With Me

mood: oh so lazy
music: these words - natasha bedingfield ("these words are my own from my heart flown i love you")

skipped to a friend's blog and in her links area, i'm listed as "Mrs-Awak-to-be". and all the other people on her links area are listed as such too, Mrs-Somebody or Mr-Someone. so the kaypoh in me clicked at random, just to peep into these people's world.

and every blog i read about was on love. these people's lives with the other halfs. it made me feel weird that i don't blog about awak everyday...and looking back thru my recent entries, i realized i've not blogged about awak in quite a while!

*panic button activated*

err...is there cause for alarm? truth be told...i've not seen awak for about three days now, and the last time was when he saw my back as i walked off from an arguement. yes yes...i know that was a sucky thing to do, walking away does not solve things, i know and if he did it, i would have flown into a rage and pulled him back by his ear! but i felt like i was losing control and it was far better to walk away than to say what was at the tip of my tongue. (it would have made foul-mouthed sailors blush)

so till today we're chilling. both our ego are about wounded from the beating and i hope this has taught us a lesson. that when two people are in love, they will hurt each other more. have respect for the people you love, peeps. respect them and trust that they know what they are doing, and respect them enough to always be honest. respect them as human beings who may make mistakes, and respect them as the people who will be putting you to bed at night when you fall asleep drooling in front of the teevee.

so in honour of awak, and to absolve my guilt, i'm reposting this to remind me what a fantastic baby i have, and thank God for him.

---------------------------------------------------------

mood: got such thing as praying mood?
music: fall to pieces - avril lavinge ("you're the only one i'd be with till the end when i come undone you will bring me back again")

i wanna blog about awak.

i think to awak, i am insane. sometimes downright crazy. i dun eat seafood, will order chicken most of the time, will only drink ice cold pokka green tea, hate shopping, even for things i need. i will remember things better than he does, so unfortunately that will make me remember when something is not done or when promises are not met. when i'm pmstic, i will turn into a crybaby and turn on the tap at the slightest thing.

of all my traits i can be demanding, unreasonable, selfish and downright sarcastic. and awak seems to bear the brunt of things. it's tiring for me to have to explain to him all of my emotions, but i guess it must be equally frustrating for him to get whammed by me left right centre upside down.

but...God is fair. just as i am blessed with a good memory, awak can forget things. he forgets when i've been unreasonably stubborn one day and still wakes me up the next morning with "hello dear!" sometimes he speaks to me in that baby voice that he uses only with me. he has this instinct where he will get me stuff that at first glance i think "oh my god what's this for" only to find that later i actually find it coming useful at times of need. his gift of being calm and collected when i'm falling apart.

i'm like a kite. and awak is my string. he lets me soar into the heights, but he will always keep me attached and grounded so i know my footing. he holds me tightly so i dun get lost in turbulant winds and violent storms. he decorates me, so i look good when i shine. he gives me freedom to be myself in my space, but always pulls me close when i charter into dangerous territory.

i know awak loves me. and the years we've been together are not proof of that - rather, they are a testament of the everyday things that he does to express the love, appreciation and respect he has for me. he loves me, faults and all.

so i thank Him. for granting me His Love, His Peace and His Tranquility thru awak.

NBC 23/09/2005 - 24/09/2005

happy early birthday, bananaz and asap! and thanks to the fantastic 6+1 for a FANTASTIC weekend.

Down By The Sea

mood: stagnant
music: my favourite mistake - sheryl crow ("did you know could you tell you were the only one")

just got back from tangkak/melaka yesterday and now it's back to work. i have got to stop taking these weekend getaways, man...sunday night is not a good day to come back from holiday...

but anyway...alhamdulillah...all's well and that's about it for weddings, as far as my family goes. the next to be married is moi...and she's not even in the mood to discuss that.

for the first time since the longest time the whole family was there. my family was complete. father, mother, sister, brother in law, nephew, brother, me and and awak. (ok well techincally he's not part of the family yet lah but he's getting there. and he is such an auntie-killer!)

my most vivid recollection of this picture perfect moment was on saturday night where we had dinner at this food place near pantai klebang. under the stars, by the sea and a couple of confused waiters, we had a perfect dinner. just us. the entire family complete.

bliss...when can we do this again?

I'm Hot Tempered. Who Loves Me?

mood: don't care-ish
music: out of my head - fastball ("how could i have ever been so blind")

the past two days have been insane. and all thanks to lifeguards.

i tell myself everyday...i must be strong and make the best of the situation that i am in. there is no point in trying to beat the system. some things are beyond our control, yes, i concede that.

but my dear friends, please accept that i cannot and never will be a "yes-man". that is my principle. i will fight. i will put all my cards on the table and i will push and bulldoze my way around if i know that i am on the right side. and i don't care what happens to me in the process, so long as the bigger picture is served. and i can do this because i know what is and what is not important to me. i know that at the end of the day we will all be held accountable for our actions and that makes me responsible.

and i'm sorry, baguana, for being too assertive. i pushed you too hard and i kick myself for that. i need to learn tact, right? yes...so that shall be my OJT for the next couple of weeks. you can claim $8 per hour from IFD. just need to write BRAC paper for IAA to approve. sure get one ok?
: )