Aper Dah Jadi...?

Aper Dah Jadi...?

hai lah kasem...aper dah jadi...

yes so i had the proverbial mid life crisis and decided i didn’t want to keep doing what i was doing for the rest of my life. so very gatal and decided to change careers, starting from scratch all over again. thinking that it’d make me happy, if i were doing something really meaningful with my life. it was exactly this kind of wishful thinking that brought me here today. Feeling lower than plankton’s poop.

i’m supposedly supposed to be having my reading week (studying week lah tu) and exams are on next monday and thursday. not forgetting the trauma of the paper ones last week, i now have to study and delve deeper into the subjects covered there in greater detail for the paper twos. yup, macam tak cukup gitu kan? my two main subjects are anatomy & physiology and linguistics. hahah no prizes for guessing which i thought i would do better in...but guess what? both are equally tough! Or it could just be me, strangely slow in picking things up? Or it is my brain, less plastic after leaving school for so many years?

i am so tired. truly.

but nope! shan’t talk about that today. let’s try to survive my first semester, and i’ll see if i’m not too traumatised to share....

hmn...let’s look at the bright side and appreciate the gifts from God, shall we? my two tots...are a complete handful. amirhamzacubitbarutahu seems to discover new ways of testing my patience, while amnihanaagigitbarutahu is fast learning new ways of buat muka kesian.

i’m running out of ways to threaten and punish them, mainly coz i’m such a big wuss and could never carry out the punishment that i threaten them with. yeah yeah i know that’s like the cardinal rule of parenting, right? i must mean what i say. yesterday i told amir hamza that if he said “bontot” one more time, i’ll put him in the store room, where all the “ghosts”, “cicaks” and “lipas” of our house resides. (now, i myself had this punishment inflicted upon me during my childhood days, but that’s story for another day).

soon enough, he said it and as soon as he did, looked at me with a half-amused, half-expectant expression on his face. perhaps it was a combination of my tiredness, or the weather, or my hungriness or the fact that amni hanaa was sucking on my knees at that time, i stood up. firmly pulled him to the store room and put him in it. lest u think i’m heartless, i didn’t shut the door lah, just kept it slightly ajar but he couldn’t push it open from inside.

yes he was crying and screaming, for the whole of the two minutes i left him there. amni hanaa being the ever so helpful little sister, waved at him from the gap in the door, konon nak comfort along dia lah. as soon as two minutes was up, i opened the door and sat down on the sofa. amir hamza came running out wailing “sorry ummi!” and immediately ran to me, expecting a hug. i really was in no mood to molly cuddle or kasi muka dengan dia and i wanted to re-establish my “parental prestige” (chey chey chey) with him. so i held him at an arm’s length and looked him in the eyes and told him what he did was wrong, and that i was very upset with him and so was Allah (we recently taught him the concept of Allah, and tak boleh kasi Allah marah, and Allah saying kita and kalau ikut cakap Allah, nanti dapat pahala, etc).

and i’m pleased to report that the offensive word has not been heard uttered since!

“Oh Allah, my children are rightfully Yours, loaned to me to test my life here in this world. Grant me the abilities to do right by them and carry out my responsibilities the best I know how. “

"And please also throw in some extra brain power for me to do well in my studies, please."