"Saya Bagi Saya Satuuuuuu O!"

"Saya Bagi Saya Satuuuuuu O!"


for this year's Ramadan, i give my self 1 "O" .

yes...i am feeling that post-ramadan blues. that immense feeling of regret that decends upon you as soon as you hear the takbir on malam raya. aby and i takbir-ed at our house from after maghrib to isyak coz aby's dad said "rumah baru bagus sambut syawal dengar takbir dan al-fatihah". as i sat next to aby takbir-ing away, a thought came to my head.

"i must be the most stupidest of His servants! whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?! so silly bafoon, skarang kau baik doa yang Dia panjangkan umur kau to meet next year's Ramadan!"

then i cried lah of course. so emo right? firstly it was a major bummer that the time of the month fell on the 21st night to the 27th night. i could only do terawih and qiyyam the last three nights. then with work and all, i never even manged to memorize surah yasin, which i said i was gonna do every Ramadan since 2003, by the way. so i have been a bad girl this Ramadan, so macam tak nak raya like that. but i pray that He gives me the blessings for my efforts and may i meed more Ramadans.

after that we went to mak cck house to eat the real buka stuff: ketupat, lontong, rendang, ayam masak merah, sambal goreng and seronding. so sedap. let's see...shall i gain back the 5kg i lost in september and october? i think i shall.

ps: that solitary "O" i award myself up there is for waking up every morning before aby to prepare food and tea for aby's sahur. even then, some nights the tea was a bit tawar. so actually i should only get HALF an O!

Selamat Hari Raya!

Selamat Hari Raya!

minal aidil wal faizin wal makbulin kullu antum bikhairin!

maaf zahir & batin!

ps: be back in a jiffy!

Account Closed

Puteri Gunung Ledang - The Musical
featuring Tiara Jacquelina and Stephen Rahman-Hughes

24 - 26 Nov 06, Fri - Sun, 8pm, Theatre

catch this only if you are sure these two are performing on that night. i heard rumours that their understudies might be standing in instead.

anyway...tickets are cheap cheap at $35, $45, $65, $95. but cannot beat my RM70 tickets in Feb. *kwang!*

http://www.esplanade.com/ for more info.

Who Knew?

who knew that putting a paper plate into an oven toaster might cause it to catch fire?

i sure didn't...

Awak Is An Aby!

awak's got a new term of endearment - aby. pronounced as "ah-bee"

the name evolved from me calling him "awak" and "baby" interchangeably...until one day it got merged into aby. (not to be confused with the arabic term for father, hor!)

it kindda stuck...so aby it will be. : )

hey at least i'm not like SOME PEOPLE who call their husband baby. pronounced as "bah-bee"; evolved from "babah" and "baby". hhrrmmpph!

"ha bagus lah. panggil suami you babi. masuk neraka wail-wail!"

lol....what do you call your significant other half?

You Didn't Hear It From Me

*sshhhhhh!!!*

LTA has contracted six traffic wardens from a private company at $34,000 a year to take down the licence plate number, make and colour of vehicles that intrude into bus lanes at peak hours.

Note you can get fined $130 for dropping someone off the bus stop.

The operation hours: (bus lane operations)
7.30 am to 9.30 am and 4.30 pm to 7pm (Weekdays)
7.30 am to 9.30 am & 11.30 am to 2 pm (Saturdays)

LTA has intensified their operations at the following areas:

1) Eunos Link
2) Hougang Ave 3
3) Jurong Town Hall Rd
4) Lorong Chuan
5) Orchard Rd
6) Upper Serangoon Rd
7) Upper Thomson Rd
8) Yishun Ave 2

Additional spots where speed traps were seen:

1) PIE towards airport near Toa Payoh exit, tripod mounted speed camera atthe pedestrain overhead bridge. (90km/h)
2) PIE towards jurong near adam road exit, tripod mounted speed camera overat Adam Road flyover. (90km/h)
3) Braddell Road after Bishan Junction towards CTE, tripod mounted speedcamera at the pedestrain overhead bridge. (60/kmh)
4) Queensway towards Bukit Merah, tripod mounted speed camera under treebefore Ridout McDonalds. (60km/h)

You Didn't Hear It From Me

*sshhhhhh!!!*

LTA has contracted six traffic wardens from a private company at $34,000 a year to take down the licence plate number, make and colour of vehicles that intrude into bus lanes at peak hours.

Note you can get fined $130 for dropping someone off the bus stop.

The operation hours: (bus lane operations)
7.30 am to 9.30 am and 4.30 pm to 7pm (Weekdays)
7.30 am to 9.30 am & 11.30 am to 2 pm (Saturdays)

LTA has intensified their operations at the following areas:

1) Eunos Link
2) Hougang Ave 3
3) Jurong Town Hall Rd
4) Lorong Chuan
5) Orchard Rd
6) Upper Serangoon Rd
7) Upper Thomson Rd
8) Yishun Ave 2

Additional spots where speed traps were seen:

1) PIE towards airport near Toa Payoh exit, tripod mounted speed camera atthe pedestrain overhead bridge. (90km/h)
2) PIE towards jurong near adam road exit, tripod mounted speed camera overat Adam Road flyover. (90km/h)
3) Braddell Road after Bishan Junction towards CTE, tripod mounted speedcamera at the pedestrain overhead bridge. (60/kmh)
4) Queensway towards Bukit Merah, tripod mounted speed camera under treebefore Ridout McDonalds. (60km/h)

What A Loss

innalilahi wa innalillahi rajiiun.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/060904/1/43789.html

I Now Have A Home

I Now Have A Home

i don't normally do a "today-i-did-this-then-that-then-this" kindda blog. but this weekend was di atas normal.

it started out with having a pretty normal friday morning at work. some time around 1155hrs, dr fever called to say he was downstairs with dr lips. so we headed for lunch at salma where i had my usual teh si peng, a slice of french loaf and one putri salad. the itemised menu may seem trivial, but as i walked back to office, i felt funny feelings in my tummy.

reached home at about 1745hrs where the movers said they were gonna send the boxes for awak to pack his stuff. so i packed and packed. till about 1945hrs. then awak came home and we had dinner, me a plate of one scoop of rice, a serving of cauliflower+broccoli and a drumstick.
funny feelings in my tummy still feeling funny here.

awak maybe contracted the mad cow disease during the meal, for immediately after that he insisted that we go to our place. to see the cupboard that was delivered that afternoon. just to SEE it. what's with men and visuals? amidst my funny feeling tummy, i marched him to his room and introduced the visual stimuli of his uber messy room and said, "why don't we SEE this instead?" *sigh*...packed and packed and packed till 2330hrs.

at that point of time, i could not think of any activity that i loathed more in the universe than packing.

at bedtime, the funny feeling in my tummy was not so funny anymore. by then, it had grown into a flown blown gripping pain that felt as if my insides were being gripped every 3 minutes. awak rubbed some vicks on my tummy (don't look at me, go figure.) saying it'll be better. well, it did help. the vicks vapourub scent was comforting a lil bit, but it didn't help my tummy zilch.

i tossed and turned more than a salad that night. imagine sleeping on a mattress with no bedsheets (coz they're all packed) and the fan off and funny feelin in tummy....at exactly 6am we woke up and i told awak we're going to doctor helena. now.

so we went, where to my suprise, it wasn't doctor helena. instead it was this sweet young thing who prodded and poke my tummy with her finger for a grand total of nine times and declared i had colic. funny feeling in tummy is air.

so instantly i was accused of "hah, see lah! don't eat some more!" / "tu lah, khairiyah selalu tak makan siang" etc. absurd. of all things i've ever been accused of, dieting is never one of them. so the movers came at 1600hrs and there was the whole process of moving stuff. after maghrib ,

we went to see atok bedok who was at mak eton's house recovering from something ular thing, kindda like rashes and move around your skin like a snake? hence the name?

poor atok. he's getting older and cuter. i love his sense of humour. he asked where father was at least 7 times in 15 mins. he asked me what time did we leave singapore and how much were the bus fares nowadays. he also asked awak where he stayed during the japanese occupation. when i poured him his teh susu, he said "ah terima kasih. tulis buku eh?"

i dreaded sunday coz awak is working from 0900 to 2200hrs today...and if earlier i said there's nothing more i hate than packing, well...famous last words! i hate UNPACKING even more!

*groan.....*

so now, alhamdulillah...i have a house and slowly awak and i will turn it into a home. i have two toaster ovens, a sandwich make and a rice pot. i don't have an ironing board, a hot water pot (the kind that boils your water in 3 minutes that type) and a microwave oven. oh yes and i have tonnes of cleaning to do. and the unpacking is still finished.

god i sound so grown up.

Hari Raya Bila?

*sigh*...you know the local journalism standard is in the pits when articles like this gets published.

flip to page 12 of today's Today. tell me what's wrong with the story "Kg Glam to Light Up" by Zul Othman.

I Cried Last Night!...Well, Almost

please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

vote for Hady Mirza on Singapore Idol. SMS 6 to 43657.

really. vote. please. i'll pay you back the $0.60. *sneezeCHEAPO!*

I Am Having A Baby

I Am Having A Baby

not...

gotcha there! ..*heheheheee*

N O T !!!
gotcha there...*hehehe*..

well...apparently they want people to procreate more. so the baby bonus wasn't enough, so they are gonna throw in more incentives to get people to get married, get down and get preggers.

coz they said the birth rate is down...and that we need more babies. got example some more. case in study, the fertility rate of the average cher-yer-nun-alip woman was seven point something a few years ago and now it's gone down to one point something.

haiyah...just say it lah...the truth is: they don't need more babies.

they need cher-yer-nun-alip babies.

Yesterday I Cried

was in the car yesterday and there was nothing good on era so i switched to CD mode. i started to tear when the first melodies wafted through the speakers. soon, my vision was blurred and as i blinked, the moist drew streaks down my cheeks.

why so emo.....

download the song from My Music at Multiply...and hear it for your own ears.

"another summer day
has come and gone away
in paris and rome
but i wanna go home
mmmmmmmm

maybe surrounded by
a million people i
still feel all alone
i just wanna go home
babe i miss you, you know

and i've been keeping all the letters that i wrote to you
each one a line or two
"i'm fine baby, how are you?"
well i would send them but i know that it's just not enough
my words were cold and flat
and you deserve more than that

another aeroplane
another sunny place
i'm lucky i know
but i wanna go home
mmmm, i’ve got to go home

let me go home
'cause i'm just too far
from where you are
i wanna come home

and i feel just like i'm living someone else's life
it's like i just stepped outsidewhen everything was going right
and i know just why you could not come along with me
that this is not your dream
but you always believed in me

another winter day has come and gone away in
even paris and rome
and i wanna go home
let me go home

and i'm surrounded by
a million people i
still feel all alone
oh, let me go home
oh, i miss you, you know

let me go home
i've had my run
baby, i'm done
i gotta go home

let me go home
it will all be all right
i'll be home tonight
i'll coming back home..."

I Will Slap You Silly...

talk about people going nuts.

i was walking past that chocolate dip shop in esplanade with a friend and she remarked would it be heaven to be able to have chocolate fondue with everything that we eat.

so i said that would indeed be heavenly. so she said "hey maybe we can try tt one of these days?"

so i said of coz we must, but maybe we don't go to that particular shop coz it's not halal and god knows what's in their chocolate.

"but then," she cried in alarm, "how to eat chocolate liddat?"

so i said "haiyah, XX got fondue set at home wat...we make at her house lah!!"

so she said, "ahhh....ok onz!"

so i forgot i ever had this banal discussion until one day Ariel's voice singing Sally Sendiri wafted through the din of the Banquet where i was having lunch so i answered, "hello?"

"hello? is that khai?! eh, who are you to go around telling people that the chocolate fondue is not halal? eh kau jangan sembarang spread stories tau! chocolate is chocolate, wat...unless kau makan babi chocolate then lain ah! kau buat panic jer tau!"

...i asked, "who is this?"

"ni aku lah...WW. eh aku selalu makan kat kedai tu. tak ada aper aper pun. are you like one of those people who like to set fatwas lah or cakap nie halal, tu haram. eh,

What Makes You Happy

musik: sedang ingin bercinta - dewa19 ("setiap ada kamu...otak ku berpikir bagaimana caranya untuk berdua bersama kamu")
music: wanting to love - dewa19 ("everytime there's you...my brain schemes how to be alone with you")

*takes a deep breath*...... l e t i t g o .

this week crawled by me. funny why time just passes you by when you don't want it to, but cheerfully crawls along when you need it to pass quickly, eh?

awak is away on reservist and he'll be back on monday. then there's a billion things to do for the house, since hdb will be returning the keys to us within the week. it's about darn time, too. i hate living out of plastic/luggage/paper bags. and for once in my life, i did not have a real home to go back to. especially after the big test, i was desperate to have a place where i can cry and mope and sulk.

i wasn't feeling at home at awak's place, and the lovely chaotic mess at mak's place...well...it didn't feel like my house anymore, since sister and mamat moved in, they seemed to have moved on without me. even father is around more often. has he...*gasp* turned into the doting atok?

i want so much for the world to be ok again. so really life goes on and there's no use rehashing the past. just learn from the mistakes and move forward lah. there's only so much you can cry. think back on the things that make you happy.

thank God for farmpride chicken nuggets, macadamia nut brittle and ruffles sour cream and cheddar chips.

what makes you happy?

ps: *frowns* strange how all my happy items are food...

Back From Near Death

so He didn't return me to Him after all...

"Oh Allah keep me alive so long as it is beneficial for me..."

i'm really sorry to all who have asked about me this past few weeks. and as i told you i was facing a great test from Him, possibly the greatest test in my life so far. And i pray everyday that this is the last test of this magnitude that He sends my way...i just don't know if i'll ever survive another test this big. on hindsight, i guess He really wanted to see what i was made of, and He really wanted to test my faith in Him.

"Allah is sufficient for me and what an excellent patron He is."

the darkest days of my life. the past seven months, my emotions and well-being have been as unrecognizable as a shipwreck. some days i was strong, up and about, some days i just want to curl up and die. most of the time i was in denial. i jolly well knew why this was happening to me, but my ego and nafs consumed me from inside. instead of praying and supplicating, i would sob and moan. my soul would simply disintegrate and i felt that life has no meaning.

other days were better, i guess. i got up, went to work, went out with friends, met peterpan and gang, got married, bought a house...basically went through the motions, trying to live a semblance of a normal life. like normal people do. it was the single most toughest things that i have ever had to do.

"Oh Allah an easy task is only one which You make easy and whenever You will, difficulties are reduced to easy things..."

how eh? how do i share with you this utmost despair? how can you help me with this intense depression? how can you see my desperate worries?

"Oh Allah I seek Your protection from sever trials, undue feelings of frustrations over Your decrees..."

awak was the only lifeline keeping me alive. one night i woke up crying, and i looked at him sleeping peacefully. through the torrents of tears i asked that He remove me from his life, stop giving him these problems that was me-induced. just married...it should be blissful, chocolates, roses and sunsets right? instead, awak had to put up with an emotionally-not-there wife who doesn't see the point of living anymore. the nights that i would sob till dawn, the tears would be free-flowing, but i'd end up with a migraine the next morning from silencing my cries and stuffing my face with the pillow to prevent myself from crying out loud.

"Oh Allah...make my death a refuge against all troubles..."

it was not easy to pray for death. i am so not ready to meet Him, but stuck between a rock and a hard place, i'd rather be under His banner any day. i felt like, "God, just take me away, take me now so i become less of a burden to anyone."

not only was I feeling generally in the neighborhood of rotten, i made a lot of people feel rotten. i know i worried some of you insane. and i am sorry that i could not share with you anything. because this was my test, you see. i knew He needed me to go through this and if i make it, insya Allah He will love me again.

"Oh Allah...keep me alive so long as it is in my best interest...and grant me death when it is my best interest..."

so i'm better now. all praises be to Him, the Great Lord of the Throne of Honour. He was true to His word, from start till end. there was no going against His decrees. he sent me the trial and He was also the only one who could deliver me from it.

and that He did.

and I am a changed person.

funny how it takes a catastrophe to open my eyes.

He also showed me, through His mercy, that there are those of His creations that He has sent to bring relief and comfort to me. and to you, only He can repay you with the kindness and grace that you have shown me. i pray He relieves you of your worries and showers upon you blessings from the Heavens. there are no thanks that would suffice...the doas that you have uttered from have been answered.

all i ask from you now is please...when we meet, can please don't ask me "what is wrong, wanna talk about what happened, etc"?

i am just barely holding myself together and if you ask, i'm going to fall to pieces all over again. i have a lot of answering to do to Him, so i'll save my answer for The Later Day.

"Oh Allah...so long as You keep me alive, save me from such trying situations as are likely to cause me to go astray..."
.
.
.
.
.
ps: and you...the one who finds these doas familiar? when i read your email and opened your attachment, i cried. right there and then, in the office. the doas were spot on. it was exactly what i have been doa-ing for the past seven months. especially the death parts. i pray that you have never and would never have to makes these doas for yourself. kau lah sohabah dunia akhirat.

It's Not Suicide, Is It?

if i pray to Him very hard that death comes to me today, is that considered suicide?

Get Out

get out!

get out of my head! get out of my mind! get out of my life!!!!

i hate you, remember? we can't stand to face each other. the last time we met, you could barely look at me!!!!!! i get worked up just when somebody mentions your name!!!! go away!

why are you back? do you wanna start another human crisis? haven't you learnt your lesson? that "us" will never happen? that "we" never existed.

i hate you. really. you hurt me. in so many ways. in ways you won't even begin to understand.

go away please...*sob* *sob*...please...go away...i beg you...leave now before i fall again...

Seven Things

mood: hungry ah...
music: ku katakan dengan indah (Live!HRCSingapore) - peterpan (i'm just listening to man's guitar solos all over again and again and again...)


randoms facts about me

1) i can't stand ants
2) i suck at numbers
3) a good book and a bar of kinder bueno under the covers on a rainy day is bliss for me
4) i wanna learn how to cut hair so i can cut awak's hair
5) i harbour thoughts of quitting my dayjob and opening a cafe
6) i have short hair (which awak described as sexy...)
7) i chew my inner lips a lot...

7 things tat scare me

1) running barking dogs
2) flying cockroaches
3) the dark and when my imagination runs wild
4) whenever i do something that's really bad
5) when awak doesn't call when he says he will
6) driving
7) thinking about death and akhirat

7 randoms music at the moment

1) hidupku kan damaikan hatimu - caffeine
2) sandaran hati - letto
3) never forget - take that
4) itu aku - sheila on 7
5) langit ketujuh - sharifah zarina
6) keajaiban (unplugged) - peterpan
7) nostalgia curang rock and roll - the times

7 things i like the most

1) my faith
2) hagen daaz's macadamia nut brittle
3) cadbury's fruit and nuts chocalates
4) people who are punctual
5) the way peterpan makes me feel (upset then happy then upset then happy again..)
6) mamat's muker busok/muker nangis and the other mukas i'm gonna teach him how to make
7) the state of pseudo slumber when i try to go back to sleep 10 mins after the alarms goes off

7 things i say the most

1) "la illaha il allah muhammad rasul allah salallahualaihi wassalam!"
2) "r..i..g..h..t..."
3) "really?"
4) "no shit, sherlock."
5) "oh mak kau meletop!"
6) "i'm sorry, i don't eat seafood."
7) "awaaaaaaaaaak!!!"


7 people to do this

1) erm...i dun have seven people. i want all who's reading this to do it.
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)

thanks bac2bac...this was fun!